[Dalia]

I have been dating a man for 9 months already. He is great and we really opened up to each other. We took things slow because he had a lot going on in his life, and he was open about it from the start. We have had many conversations about what he is able to give me. He knows what I want- I am looking to build a future with a man and want a relationship. He tries to make me happy but he is clear that at this point in his life right now his first priority is getting his life back on track. Our relationship progresses slowly…. we spend a lot of time together, we get closer, and I ask for some more sharing. Then he feels bad that he can’t give me what I want and I feel like we are breaking up…. but then he calls and eventually he gives me a little of what I ask for… like he will make an effort to call me more during the week, or start making some more time for me. He does try to make an effort to please me, but it takes a lot of effort on his part.

When its good…..its great. My issue deals with what he is able to give me right now. He is going through a lot and this causes him to withdraw at times, and its difficult for me to deal with, because i take it personally (he tells me not to) and its hard for me to not miss him and not want to reach out during these times. Its been a bit of a roller coaster and I know its not good for me. But….. I can’t help but feel that if I left him I would be giving up on him.I would be giving up on a man that I believe is a great person and someone I care about. And I do see a future together with him. He has told me that he enjoys being with me but can’t give me all that I want right now and doesn’t want to stop me from being happy. I know that if I start dating others than I will have to be only friends with him and stop being intimately involved with him. I won’t be able to do both. I can’t seem to decide if I should stay with him or go? I want to be by his side and work things through, but should I be going out there and looking for the relationship I want? Is it a bad thing to wait? I do care about him and believe him to be a really good man. He’s just going through a lot right now.

Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Never fall in love with a man’s potential. That’s one of the unofficial commandments I write about in Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right! I hear a lot from women who love men — who aren’t ready to commit. And you fall into this category. 🙁 This guy told you up front that he isn’t ready for a relationship, but you’re trying to make him someone he’s not. I don’t think you’re giving up on him (he’s taking care of himself just fine!). I think you’re giving up on [i]yourself[/i].

If you want a relationship — then go and date men who will have the same goals you do. Your life will be a lot easier — and happier because you’ll get what you want instead of wanting what you can’t get. 😉

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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