[cpht2010]

So we have a family together just had my 3rd baby 3 months ago…we are in out twenties…this relationship has been heartache for the both of us…we pretty much have a bipolar relationship..everything starts being so good in the moring and turns out being like hell at the end of the day….we pretty much lost respect for the both of us we yell and curse at each other..we say hurtful things to each other take for instance i tell him that i hate him, he’s a B****, he’s not a real man. He calls me the B word too, just says very hurtful comments to me..we even got to the point where we are violent..its just a miserable situation and it scares me because we have children. Im tired of argueing and at times i feel like we both provoke the situation…its also my anger i try to control but its hard i quess because when i was a child all i seen was anger in my house. I cant trust him either because he is a flirt, i dont know if he ever cheated on him not that i know off..i ask him and he says no. I know we both really love each other but i dont understand why we both go at it like cats and dogs…this is childish but we try to control it or even talk about it but it always ends up going back how it was…i try to leave him but its soooo hard because i love him very much and i want my kids in the same house with him. and when i do try to leave it seems like he doesnt care and says just leave..but i dont because deep down inside he is a good man and i know he does love me..when we are having our good days he gives me all the attention, we talk and laugh, helps me clean the house. takes me out to eat, gives me money to buy things for me, lends me his car…im so confuse..is he worth keeping..do you think this relationship will work out in the future. Thanks

[lesterkiwi]

The answer to your question is NO.
I would like to know what your definition of love is. Is it someone that is a mean, angry, verbally and physically abusive? I think you have no idea what a loving meaningful relationship is. You both need some counseling to get to the root cause of your anger issues and why you stay in this relationship.
The most disturbing thing here for me though, is your kids. You admit your anger may come from your childhood, because thats all you saw in your house. What the hell do you think your kids see everyday? Are you willing to continue to keep subjecting them to this NEGATIVE and TOXIC environment, so they can grow up and repeat the cycle??? Seriously, if you don’t want to leave for yourself then do it for them, and get some professional help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you have three children together, you have to do what’s right for them, not just yourself. If you can get out of your own head, and stop figuring out what you want, and decide what is best for the kids, then your path will be easy to see — harder to execute, but you can do it! 🙂

First, violence is unacceptable. So if you are violent, take yourself out of the situation. No excuses. If he is violent, you take you and your children out of the situation. If you need help, call the police — they’ll help separate you.

Second, if you’re being verbally abusive, decide to stop. It sounds like the two of you are in a bad dynamic and you keep using the pronoun, “we” when you can really only control “you.” So start deciding what your behavior is going to be, and keep everything on the high road.

If you do these things, you should have a clearer picture of what’s going on in the relationship and where the root of the problems lie. Bottom line: you have to change your behavior if you want a different outcome. 😉

And lastly, as a note, if you just had your third child three months ago, I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you’re exhausted, you and your husband are stressed — and this is a difficult time for anyone. So do the work, but be understanding of what your family is going through, at the same time.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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