[rierieliz]

My boyfriend and I met online 3 years ago. We followed the path of acquaintances (he read a blog I used to write) > online chatting > phone conversations > friends > best friends > falling in love. For a little over 2 months, we’ve been traveling and living together.

A little background on us: I’m in my late 20’s (never married, no kids), he’s 15 years older than I (has been married, divorced, has 2 adult children). We spent a total of 3 weeks split between 2 separate vacations together before deciding to finally be together. We’ve always had great chemistry, and seem to have strengths where the other has weaknesses. We’re a good fit.

But there’s always something, isn’t there?

My sexual appetite is, I guess, very high. If I had it my way, we’d fool around at least twice a day… He could go days. Which causes numerous issues – my feelings and ego are bruised, and I’ve started to feel some resentment and anger about it. He’s gone as far as telling me that he doesn’t want to expend the energy, and so now here I am. Sitting on the bed with my laptop, reaching out to strangers, while he’s snoring away after another sexless night.

Reading what I have, we probably have more sex than most couples. It was nearly every night for a few weeks, now it’s becoming more sparse – every 1-3 nights. So I guess I should just shut up and be thankful I get what I get.

If only.

I just can’t stop these feelings. I tried so hard tonight to say ‘okay, we had sex last night, it’s late, it’s not a big deal, we had a good day’… but it didn’t help. I still feel that rejection, and I feel some anger.

Yes, I have talked to him about it. Repeatedly.

No, there isn’t much stress – we’re not even working right now, and won’t be until late November. We’ve essentially been on vacation since the end of Sept.
No, there aren’t any drug, alcohol, infidelity issues.
His libido? He’s older, and has voiced a concern over testosterone levels, but there are not problems with him getting it up and it doing it’s job.
A vibrator? It just isn’t the same anymore. The human connection, the emotions sex involve for me, I just don’t get that from dear old BOB.

I guess my question is how do I deal with this? I love him dearly, I want to enjoy our lives together without the feelings of rejection and anger. I so wish I was one of the women who didn’t care much about sex.

Advice is greatly appreciated.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It doesn’t sound like you’re compatible. You need someone with more of a sex drive. You’re not interested in the same kind of relationship he is — and this has nothing to do with age. Some men who are older are more interested in pleasing their younger wives, one way or another. 😉 He’s looking for someone who’s willing to bend towards his lifestyle. That you’re looking online for lovers is the clue you need to know that this won’t work for you. If you were ready to settle down and decide that he’s got so many other good qualities that you’re willing to compromise on this one, he’s be a good match for you, but you’re not that person. Be true to who you are. I don’t think you’re looking for a fantasy — just someone more compatible with your values.

I hope that helps. Good luck! Let me know how things turn out. And please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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