[Anonymous]

Hi,

I feel embarrassed about this that I can not even tell my buddies about what is going on.

My fiancee and I are getting married next year. We have been together for five years, and live together. Her bestfriend is going to be her maid of honor. Her best friend also recently started calling my fiancee’ pet names, such as “honey bunny.” This is making me uncomfortable and embarrassed. Why is her best friend calling her pet names all of a sudden?

I did talk to my fiancee about how this was making me uncomfortable, because she is in her 30’s, and this sounds like something a kid would do….or that something else is going on. Her parents told me a year ago that they thought something was going on between them, but dismissed it. My fiancee swears that nothing is going on between them. I know with our work schedules that they don’t have time for it. So, I simply asked my fiancee to tell her best friend to stop calling her names like honey bunny. I thought the matter was over. My fiancee think this is appropriate behavior.

So yesterday, she opened a card with gigantic Letters as big as can be addressed to “honey bunny” for her birthday. But why would a 30 year old woman call another 30 year old woman, “honey bunny” if they are just friends…..It also hurts because this is also partly her nickname for me. I will also add that her best friend is a lesbian, and likes to “sleep around” quite a bit for fun. She is very promiscuous. I feel like she is out to cause trouble between my fiancee and I. In fact, my fiancee and I had agreed to no bachelor or bachelorette party because we felt that we were too old for it. Now, her best friend is planning one for her. She even asked if my fiancee would stay with her the night before the wedding…

I am really at a lost at what to do. I am really hurt and upset about this. What should I do? Please help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like either you don’t trust your fiance 😳 or else you’re just jealous of a close friendship your fiance has with her best friend. If it’s the former, now is a good time to put the brakes on your engagement. There is nothing good that can come out of a marriage or a long term relationship that is lacking in trust. 🙁 It is of concern that your fiance’s parents told you that they think there is something romantic or sexual happening between your fiance and her lesbian best friend. They’ve probably dropped the subject because they can pretend it’s not happening as long as she is marrying you. You, however, have justified concerns about her fidelity.

That said, the fact that your fiance’s best friend calls her honey bunny and is throwing her a bachelorette party don’t necessarily mean that something deeper is going on. Those two incidents on their own are not smoking guns.

The real problem is between you and your fiance. I don’t believe that the real reason you agreed to no bachelor and bachelorette parties was because of your ages. I believe you felt that those types of parties would be vehicles for inappropriate sexual behavior, and now your fiance is having one — and her best friend is the object of this betrayal because she’s hosting it. Make sure you don’t cast blame on the friend — it belongs on your fiance. If you don’t want her to have one, and that is a deal breaker for you, make it clear.

Be honest with her NOW, before you are married, about your own boundaries and what will and won’t work for you in a marriage.

I hope that helps — and you’ll let me know how things go. Join me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at [url][/url].

[Member]

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