[traktors4]

Hi April,

I’m 29, live & work overseas in a pretty good well-paying job. Recently, I visited the states to get some well-needed vacation time. While browsing around Facebook to find some old classmates to catch up with, I stumbled upon a girl named Caprice – who I thought was very hot back in the day but didn’t have the guts to speak to as she was way out of my league and had a boyfriend. We maybe had a 1-2 classes in college together, but never spoke much – probably 3-4 times total.

I messaged her, figuring worst case is that she ignores it – I end up striking up a very nonchalant and casual online conversation. Caprice always responded within the same day asking more questions about me with smiley face emoticons. Sensing her curiosity, I asked her if she wanted to meet up after work the next day to catch up, as I was in her area of town was going to meet some other friends before I flew out. It was very last minute, but what did I have to lose right? She agreed to meet up.

I arrive a little early to find a suitable table and to get a peek of the menu since I chose one of her favorite cuisines (people post too much info in their online profiles these days). She arrived a bit late due to work reasons, but was very apologetic the whole and kept me posted on her ETA via chat, even messaging me as she was parking her car outside.

I was stunned when we met – she was in incredible shape just like her online photos, maybe even better since she was established in her career and had this aura of confidence like a real woman. We exchanged a hug and she said how it was good to see me and that it’s been a long time. I actually found it funny since we actually don’t know each other at all and just play along out of courtesy.

She also asked me if I sent her any text messages earlier as she was running late. I did, but they did not go through as my phone number is international. She explained, “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t think I was blowing you off”. I get the sense that she means business now, but don’t read too much into it as I’ve gotten myself burned many times psyching myself out when I was younger.

So we start with the basic catching up topics about work, life, college, and what happened after school. She eventually asks me my age (28) and says she is 31. I immediately tell her “Forty is the new 30, and 30 is 20 with money” to deflect this topic (I know anything else I say will just dig me in a hole). Her face lights up with laughter and asks me to repeat it so she can remember it too. Caprice asks me if I am seeing anyone (I’m not) and she quickly says she is not either. Shortly after, I start receiving question after question, rapid fire style.

At one point she got a phone call, looked at it for a few seconds and said she would return the call later, then placed the phone away in her purse for the rest of the evening. (I guess this was the “girlfriend backup call” but didn’t realize it until later). My phone is in my bag the whole time on silent and I show no intention of looking at it the whole night.

As we progress, Caprice starts asking many open-ended questions – “what made you move overseas, why did you do that, would you move back to the US in the future, etc…”. I get those questions often so don’t read too much into it – the topics gradually branched out to siblings, family, travel experiences (She mentions an upcoming vacation with her girlfriends in a country near where I live), world affairs, martial arts, luxury brands we both like, and more. Turns out we shared many things in common and I was able to be myself the whole time without the pressure that guys have to impress on the first date.

I sensed the same in her too, as I would look straight into her eyes when I spoke with her, and neither one of us felt the need to break it even though it went on for minutes. For the whole night, I must have been asked ~25-30+ questions total and laid out my entire biography from a little kid growing up until 2011.

At one point, the waiter actually had to remind us to order dinner!

As the evening winded down, she asked me what I was doing later, and I told her I was meeting some friends for drinks in the area but did not go into much detail. She ordered a dessert to share and afterwards asked for the venue name, suggesting she could help give directions there even though told her I could just GPS it in the car. I ask her to join me later, after she meets her friend and she tells me to call her in an hour. The check comes and she immediately puts her card out first, while I am still fumbling around my wallet for mine since it was in my bag.

I hand her card back and insist on paying for the meal and she thanks me for it. As we walk out, I put my jacket over her shoulders (without her asking), and escort her to the next venue holding her at the waist with no pushback . The venue just happened to be right across the street – I put 1+1 together and realize it was probably her backup plan with the friend that called in case this was a flop. She gives me a hug, tells me I look good and we agree to meet up later again.

As I am catching up with some friends over a few drinks, the bars announce last call before midnight since it was a weekday, and I give her a call for the head’s up. She is still in the prior engagement and cannot make it in time before they close, so I say it was great seeing her and I’ll have to catch her next time when I visit. Caprice then says “But I don’t know when I’ll see you again” in a regretful tone and starts heading over saying she will have one drink with me before I go.

As I am waiting, the bars are closing and there really is no other place left and she cannot find parking. She sends me a message w/ her home address inviting me over for a drink around her place, but the bars around there are closed too so she lets me into her place.

I get a short tour, play with her pets and get a few waters in my system. She asks multiple times if I am OK to drive back and even gives me a snack to munch on. It was getting quite late so I had to go and she had work the next morning. I should have kissed her but I blew it and left giving her just a really long hug instead (also due to my inexperience), thinking to myself this is too crazy to be happening for meeting someone out of the blue.

On the drive back I realize what an idiot I was for missing the signs. The next day, I send a message telling her I got home safe and she says it’s glad to hear and was a little worried. She asks me to keep in touch, and I say it was nice to see her, wishes me a safe trip home, etc…

A day or two later, I remembered how she mentioned a vacation with her two girlfriends nearby my country in a few months, and messaged her asking if I could tag along for a short weekend trip. She replies “sure” with a smiley face and says she will keep me posted on their plans. This is all within 5-6 days from my first cold “Hi, what’s up old classmate” message so I am a bit shocked at what’s happening.

Since then, I’ve kept the online messaging very light around once a week, and always end the conversations on a high note with her LOL-ing with some smiley/wink emoticons at my jokes.

I know the next time we meet, I just have to be confident and go for it as I’ve had some time to think things through.

But am I missing anything April? What will her friends think of me?

Could it be too late and I am already tossed in the friend zone for missing all these signs?

– Peter

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you’ve blown it at all — so far! But you’re putting yourself in the friend zone when you ask to “tag along” on a trip she’s taking with some girlfriends. 😳 If you want to be her boyfriend, you have to pursue her as if you want to be her boyfriend. You’re sending her the message that you’re only interested in friendship. Women are attracted to men who are confident and flattering. When you send her flowers, ask her out on dates, compliment her, flirt with her — you’ll send her the message that you’re interested in a relationship that is more than just friends. Obviously, hand holding, affection, and kissing are all important cues that you want more than just a friend in her.

Please read a book I wrote for men called Date Out of Your League. You can buy it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s an automatic download so you can start reading tonight. It’s going to help you with a lot of questions you may have.

I hope that helps — and remember — if you want to be her boyfriend, then YOU have to make that happen! If you want to be her friend, then your behavior will indicate that, too. 😉 Let me know how things go — and do read the book!

You can also follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[traktors4]

Hi April – thanks for your input and I’ll check out your book.

We live across different continents so it’s difficult to ask her out 🙁 , but I’ll do it when we meet later (in a month) and let you know! Do you have any thoughts on phone conversations in my situation? Online chats just seem un-personable.

– Peter

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Get the book I suggested — Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url] — and read it! The questions you have about how to pursue women will be answered there in detail! It’s going to help you a lot. It’s an automatic download, so you can start reading right away.

Let me know if it helps. 😀

[Member]

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