[occali]

You hear about men doing all this research on the internet about where to find good women, suggesting we American women aren’t desirable. Some American men say that Russian women or Asian women make the best wives. But what about us American women? Where do we find good men who want to live in America with an American woman? Ok, not just any American woman. I may not fit that typical description. But, I am still American. Perhaps the best men are right here in America, but now they don’t want American women. That is what I see. Where are these American men who appreciate us for who we (American women) are, minus being foreigners?

[AskApril Masini]

Be an equal opportunity dater and don’t worry about what other people are doing. There are good men and bad men in every country in the world. And the same is true of women.

The important thing for you to remember is not to become bitter because you think the men who might choose you are out looking for foreigners. There just aren’t enough studies in the world that are current and comprehensive to answer the one question: Where’s the guy who’s right for you?

The more you know yourself, and what you truly have to offer, and what you’re truly not willing to do, the better equipped you are to “market” yourself to men who want the kind of woman you are. I know that may sound crass if you haven’t read my books, but there are so many opportunities to meet men today — both in person and in cyberspace — that it’s important to sell yourself correctly. If you advertise yourself in a phone call or an email message as someone who is fun loving and easy going, when the reality is you’re a hard driving, workaholic litigator, of course the guy on the other end of your message is going to reject you. He was waiting to date the woman he thought was fun loving and easy going. Same goes for the workaholic politician who is looking for a trophy wife with a fascinating career, but ends up with the woman who’s dating profile said, Serious Susan, but shows up with a purple streak in her hair, and tattoos on most of her skin driving a Harley and having just quit her sixth job in four weeks.

If you can zone in on what you’re offering, and what you want in a man — and it shouldn’t just be someone with a sense of humor (too vague) — you’re more likely to find Mr. Right. So be a little more discriminating about the specifics of who you are and what you want, and I guarantee you’ll stop thinking about American men scooping up foreigner women instead of you and start thinking about what kind of man is the right one for you, regardless of nationality.

[Serena Vale]

I get why this feels discouraging, but don’t let the noise fool you. Good men aren’t disappearing, they’re just not all loud or online talking about it.

Some men chase “foreign” fantasies because it feels easier or different. That has nothing to do with your worth as an American woman. The right man won’t need you to be exotic, he’ll value your mind, your values, and how you show up in life.

Focus less on what men say they want online and more on being fully you. The men who appreciate American women are here, they’re just looking for someone who knows who she is and isn’t trying to compete with anyone else.

You don’t need to change where you’re from. You just need to choose someone who actually sees you.

[Member]

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