[Anonymous]

I have a feeling I’m going to end up looking like a fool, but I’d rather look like a fool than feel like this anymore.

Brief history. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. We have complete trust in each other, we’ve been best friends for over 3 years, and everything seemed to be going really well. We do all kinds of things together, and although our situation is a little complicated, for us it’s worked. She’s still legally married, has children, but doesn’t live with her husband (situation that doesn’t need to be explained). We both have friends that are male and female, and until now there has never been any issue with it. Here comes the problem.

My girlfriend works at a bar that hosts bands every weekend (might be worth noting I’m a musician too). There is this band that plays there a lot. She started talking to and has become friends with one of the members. At first it didn’t bother me, but then when she started telling me the kinds of things he says and what not I started getting jealous. The she came right out and told me that he makes her feel beautiful and makes her smile (things she’s told me that only I do for her), and that he’s there to say it in front of her boss who’s a royal jerk and needs to hear it. I tried to understand where she was coming from and give her the benefit of the doubt that they were just friends and nothing more, she’s never given me any reason to distrust her…..even when the truth has hurt! But now things are starting to come up that I can’t help but notice, and I want to know if I’m just over reacting because I’m still jealous of him, or if I have some reasons for my suspicions. The kinds of things I’m talking about are changing her facebook status from ‘married’ to ‘it’s complicated’, along with other info that she had never changed for me. The reason this bothers me is that she just ‘friended’ her new friend, and as soon as the resquest was accepted, these changed. When I brought it up to her, her reason for changing everything was ‘idk, it was just something to do.’ We also had another account in her name that we shared that we used for the games we played, and all of a sudden after one night at work with her ‘friend’ she came home and changed the password, made up a lame hardly believable excuse, and instead of saying ‘oh I changed it because blah blah blah the new one is…’ she didn’t offer up the new one. (I do want to say that I respect her right to have her own account, that in itself doesn’t bother me and if it weren’t for these other things, I would have thought nothing). On her own page she’s only liked his band, not mine. She also has no relationship status, and he’s friends with her on that account as well. She’s also used this account to friend other people at work, and make comments on her friends pages that she doesn’t ever seem to do from the other one that I have access too. One of her friends said that she was in love with someone who has the same name as her ‘friend’ and she commented ‘NAME is and AWESOME name!! 😉‘ She’s also on his band page everyday ‘liking’ all of his posts and pictures, and rarely looks at mine anymore.

Thing is, outside of this things are awesome. She’s good to me, and I know she loves me, but this is really getting to me. I want to talk to her, but I want to know if I’ve got reason to or not, because I know once I bring it up she’s going to think that I’m calling her a liar and telling her I can’t trust her. I don’t want to do that. Please help!!!!!!!!

[Ask April Masini]

I don’t think that your suspicions are unfounded. She likes this other guy and he likes her. It’s understandable that you’re jealous, and I would never label you a fool. You can’t control her, and if she likes someone else and you no longer feel special around her, it may be time to consider that you have some competition!

That said, I don’t think that your idea of bringing this up is a good one. Having a talk about your jealousy is going to create the problems you think it will. It’s a much better idea to try and win her over, rather than either make her stop seeing this guy or trying to control her feelings.

I’ve written a book for men who want to win with women called Date Out of Your League, and you can buy and read it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. You may get some good ideas on how to continue to win her affections back.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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