[mrslouisville11]

Hello, so there’s this guy who attends a church that I am new to. It’s been approximately three months that I have been going there, and as much as I didn’t want it to get out, it did. Now, almost everyone at the church knows that I like this guy. We have only had one really good conversation where we asked the basics…like school, families, and career questions. I’d say it was an amazing conversation and it meant something but I’m not sure. He is extremely shy and quiet but if you talk to him, he will talk. It’s been about a month or so that I have liked him. I really want to ask him out for many reasons, mainly because I have been thinking about him a lot and I think he is very attractive. I’m just really nervous about it. I don’t really have good experience with men and I’d like to know what I can do to ask him out and not make it a big deal. We are friends with the same people, so we see each other quite a bit. I only say hi and bye everytime I see him and I’d like to speed it up a bit.

[AskApril Masini]

I don’t suggest you ask him out — but I do suggest you make it clearer that you like him. Bring him some homemade cookies or fudge, wrapped up with a little card. Tell him how handsome he is. Ask him if he’s going to be a particular event, and what he likes to do in his spare time. In other words, get to know him further, flirt with him, and make him feel good about being with you — so much so that he wants to ask you out.

And if you do write again, let me know how old you both are.

[mrslouisville11]

Thank you so much for the advice! I think that I will try and get to know him a little better. I didn’t say much about myself at the beginning. I am 19 and he is 18..he’s about to turn 19 in a week. I was thinking about getting him a gift card to Starbucks but I’m not sure yet. And about the whole trying to make him feel good about being with me, he seems really happy around me. Like I mentioned before, we are friends with the same people, so I have asked his friends what he likes. He enjoys riding horses. I just want us to feel comfortable around each other but it’s hard because we are really young. I would like to know how I can get the whole “butterflies in my stomach” feeling out of the way. Oh and maybe I should mention this: We both are Hispanic, while everyone else is Caucasian.

[AskApril Masini]

The butterflies in your stomach feeling is anxiety, excitement and anticipation — in the best possible way! Instead of getting rid of it, let it be part of this stage in the relationship. It’s really lucky to have someone in your life who gives you butterflies in your stomach.

[mrslouisville11]

Hi April, so, I ended up asking the guy out through Facebook and he said he had a girlfriend and that she wouldn’t like it if we went out for coffee. As far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Like I said at the beginning, we have a lot of mutual friends so I’m sure of it. My question now is how do I see him at church knowing he lied? I’m not mad at him; I’m mad because I wasted my time and effort.

[AskApril Masini]

If you’re mad at yourself for wasting time and effort, learn from that experience. 😉 Don’t focus so much energy on one person, especially when you’re not dating him. Play the field. Flirt with other guys. Have fun, and go easy on yourself. Everybody makes mistakes, and you can learn from them, instead of getting mad at yourself for making them. 🙂

[Sally]

The good news is you don’t have to make this a big dramatic thing at all. With quiet guys, simple and calm works best. The next time you’re already talking, just say something like, “Hey, I’ve liked talking to you. Do you want to grab coffee sometime?” That’s it. No explaining, no confessing feelings, no pressure.

If he’s interested, he’ll say yes or ask when. If he’s not, it might be awkward for a minute, but it won’t ruin anything long-term, especially since you already see each other around. Right now, all the stress is coming from the waiting and wondering. Asking actually gives you relief, no matter the answer.

You’re not doing anything wrong by liking someone or taking a small risk. Keep it light, keep it normal, and let it be what it is.

[Member]

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