[RollerCoaster76]

I’ve been with my BF now for 6 months… Things haven’t been easy. 2 mini break ups (lasting less then a week) we have travel plans this fall and next Spring. When things are good, they’re real good.

I’ve told him a few times that I love him, and yes, he is damaged goods (who isn’t in their mid to late 30’s) and has told me to be patient with him… And I have been. I told him that sex isn’t just sex for me, it’s making love. Later that night he texts me saying I have so much feeling and he doesn’t feel the same, and doesn’t know what to do…

I know girls fall faster then guys and it’s ONLY been 6 months. What should I say to him? Do I walk?

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you’re both in your 30s, and after dating for six months, you’ve told him you love him, but he hasn’t said the same thing back to you. And it sounds like after you told him that sex isn’t just sex for you, it’s making love, he texted you and said he doesn’t feel the same way. Now, you’re not sure whether or not to continue dating him or not.

Did I get that right? Anything I missed?

What I can tell you is that you should never say the L word first. When you do, it makes the guy feel pressured, which is what you’re seeing now. It also takes away his opportunity to be the one to say it first. 😉 The other thing I can recommend is that when you talk about sex with him, tell him how great he is and compliment. I think that by using the L word again, he felt like he wasn’t at the same place you were in the relationship, and therefore, deficient. 😳

I think that if you can date him without using the L word (until, of course, he does!) which is pressuring him, or being upset that he’s not at the same place that you are in the relationship, then you should continue dating him and see if you can get to know each other better. But if you’re at the point where you’re just frustrated with him, which I’m sort of hearing — then this isn’t going to work for you, or for him. He feels your frustration, and the thing is that guys want to be the ones who can make you feel great, and because he’s aware he can’t, given your frustration, he isn’t feeling comfortable about himself in the relationship.

In general, I suggest that you use the first three months of dating to see if you want to continue dating each other. If you do, then use the second three months of dating to see if you want to be monogamous or not. This slows the process down for most people, but allows them to make decisions more clearly.

Let me know if you have any other questions, and if this helps. And check in with me, if you would, just to let me know how things go. 🙂

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[RollerCoaster76]

I never looked at me saying the L word first would be a form of pressure for him. The one thing I have been doing is not pressuring him. I understand that yes, girls feel faster then guys and I know how hurt he’s been in the past so I’ve be willing to wait. I’m not frustrated by him. He’s a wonderful man and I know that the both of us have a lot to learn.

I see your point about waiting to say it first. Let the guy make that move. I have no issues not saying it to him and I don’t say it everyday. It’s just once in awhile I say it. But from now on my lips will be sealed!

I haven’t heard from him yet today.. If he doesn’t decide to tuck his tail and go hide I will let you know how it plays out.

[AskApril Masini]

Sounds good. I hope things go well.

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