[pam]

I starting dating a guy 3 months ago who is emotionally unavailable and has trust issues with woman. We took it slow and it progressed beautifully. One day he cut me off because my ex got to him and started a vicious rumor mill. The last thing I needed was for him not to trust me. Soon after his 14 hour works days put me at the midnight – 3am contact hours. He told me not to fall in love with him and I was put into booty call territory. However I called myself that once for a reaction and he told me to never say it again. Over the l last month he has slowly been opening back up. He is slightly affectionate now and only drinks beer and not hard alcohol b/c I dont like his attitude on the heavy stuff. His schedule has slowed and I have been reaching out to him to hang out. He pushed me away emotionally this whole time and I got fed up. I told him I was going to give him space but that lasted a two days. He has a hard time being intimate because it means more to him. Out of no where after three months he finally kissed me sober. He then just rolled over like he didn’t want anything more. I didn’t let that happen. However he kept saying ‘Don’t fall for me, Im just kidding”. The next two times we hung out we were couch buddies which we love. He mentioned that when it is just him and I things seem relaxed and normal. I would scratch his head until he fell asleep and then we would go to bed later. Two times in a row now we have not hooked up. Im confused. Ive heard everything under the sun from he’s gay (there are flags), that he replaced me as the exclusive hook up, he likes me but doesn’t know how to tell me since I am just as guarded and act uninterested when he pushes me away, he hooked up with someone and feels guilty about it and cant tell me because I would leave, hes trying to earn my trust again, he does trust me just more than his friend but doesn’t want to date me. I have no idea. Granted I was going to tell him I no longer wanted to be a degraded booty call but I never got the chance because he stopped treating me like one. What is the reasoning behind it. Hes shy with emotions so he will never tell me. Patience is a virtue with guarded people. I cannot push.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s nothing to be confused about here….. he’s having sex with you because you’re willing. He’s told you he doesn’t want to date you. He’s alluded to his being gay. And you’re sticking around…. 😕 If you want a boyfriend, then you have to be the girlfriend who gets that boyfriend, and that means not calling him or texting him and not hanging out — but instead giving men you’re interested in something to chase after and if they do, you can date them, but if they don’t, then you don’t hang out with them or spend time with them.

If you’re clear about what you want in a relationship, you won’t get confused. 😉

Hope that helps!

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