[Unigirl55]

Me and my bf started dating in April of 2014. In highschool, grade 10. So we were 15-16 ish. Now we are 18-19. It wasn’t a serious relationship at first. Started dating in April but before and the first weeks of us dating, he was snap chatting a senior from our highschool, exchanging nudes and sexts with her. This started a couple weeks before we started dating and then continued on for about 2 weeks after we started dating. They never met up or did anything physical in real life. I found out because word got around. I confronted him as soon as I found out which was around 2 weeks after we started dating, he told me it wasn’t him. His friends had his snap chat account and they were doing it and it would all stop from that moment on. He cried, he begged, called me multiple times, and even got one of his friends to text me and cover for him, “admitting” that they were the ones doing it. I believed him.
About a year later I messaged the senior and asked for details. She said he lied and it was him, not his friend. So I confronted him, and he told me that he lied. He said he didn’t know how to be in a real relationship because he had never been in one. I asked him why he never told me the truth and he said the lie had gone on so long he just didn’t know how/he wasn’t brave enough.
It has now been a little over 2 and a half years together and I he hasn’t done anything like this since. The worse thing that he’s done since is looking at almost naked famous women’s profiles on Instagram but that didn’t effect my trust. So do you think he’s bound to cheat again?

[AskApril Masini]

This isn’t so much about cheating as it is about his character. He didn’t just cheat. He lied several times, and when you asked him why he let the lie go on so long, he said it was because he wasn’t brave enough to tell you the truth. 😕 So in addition to cheating and lies, you’ve got weakness of character. Not a great trifecta! This isn’t someone who puts honesty — or you — first. He put his own needs first and foremost and he’s coming out and telling you he’s not a brave person so that you’ll take pity on him. This doesn’t sound like a person who’s going to be there for you, or who you can count on down the line. Keep your eyes open and be aware. It would be a shame to invest in someone who isn’t going to give back.

[Sally]

That kind of lie sticks, even years later. But here’s the thing… you both were basically kids when this happened. He panicked, he lied, he tried to cover it, and it was messy. Most of us did stupid things at that age because we didn’t know what real commitment felt like.

What matters is who he’s been since. Two and a half years is a long time for someone who wants to mess around to slip up again, and he hasn’t. That says something.
Only you can feel whether you’re actually safe with him now. But it doesn’t sound like a guy who’s waiting to cheat. It sounds like a boy who grew up and learned the hard way.

[Tara]

You’re asking if he’s “bound to cheat again” when the real question is why you’re still hanging onto a relationship built on a lie he maintained for an entire year.
He didn’t just make a mistake; he engineered a cover-up. He lied to your face, cried on command, recruited a friend to fake a confession, and let you believe a story he knew was garbage. That’s not immaturity. That’s manipulation. At 15 or 16, most kids don’t mastermind a whole alibi. He did. And he kept doing it until you hunted down the truth yourself.

That tells you who he was. And here’s the part you don’t want to acknowledge: people don’t suddenly develop integrity just because time passes. He didn’t confess that he got caught. Twice.

You’re clinging to the idea that he “hasn’t done anything since,” like that erases the fact that he was fully capable of betraying you and then gaslighting you into forgiving him. Looking at half-naked celebrities is nothing; the real issue is his demonstrated comfort with deceit when it benefits him.

He’s bound to choose whatever he can get away with. That’s his pattern. And the longer you reward his past behavior with loyalty, the more he learns that you will tolerate anything as long as he cries hard enough afterward.

[Member]

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