[MMccoy96]

About 3 months ago I became involved with this guy I met through one of my friends. So far he seems to be a pretty decent guy with the constant FaceTiming, texting and other cute courting gestures. However, I’m naturally reserved and it is difficult for me to open up especially in the romance department of my life so its hard for me to reciprocate all that he is doing for me. At the beginning of us establishing a connection, I told him that we should take things slow because I don’t like to rush relationships and it wouldn’t be fair to him if the relationship was only one-sided. He has told me that he has feelings for me and says little things like calling me ” bae” or “baby” and telling me that he loves me , which I can’t say back because I haven’t reached that point yet and its only been 3 months, and other little pet names. It just throws me off because I’m emotionally cautious even though I know that his intentions are pure. I do like him but I haven’t grown enough in my feelings for him to give him that same amount of like back. I want my feelings to come from the heart. For example he has told his father about me and I haven’t said anything to my family about him. Not because I’m ashamed of him its just that whenever we decide to make it official with each other then I’ll tell my family about him. Then tonight he called me and said he got me a gift for Christmas and he wanted give it to me on Christmas day. I went through a mini panic attack because there is the possibility that he could meet my family and I’m not ready for that yet.

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you’re uncomfortable with the differences between your feelings and relationship behaviors, and his. He’s using terms of affection and the L word, as well as telling his parents about you, and getting you a Christmas present — way before you’re ready for any of that. The thing is, you can use your boundaries and I bet he won’t even be upset at all if you do! 🙂 For instance, you don’t have to call him affectionate names just because he does, and you don’t have to use the L word so quickly, either. And you certainly don’t have to tell your parents about him or introduce him to your parents before you’re ready to. In fact, it’s fine if you tell him that you’re spending the holidays with your family (not him), but that you can see him after Christmas. 😉 Lots of people stretch the holidays to accommodate friends, dates, out of town people, etc. So if you want to give him a thoughtful, but small gift after the holidays, you can — but you certainly don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do just because he is. 😉

[Sally]

It’s scary when someone’s moving faster than your heart can keep up with. And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with being careful. Some people fall quick, some people warm up slow. Neither is wrong.

What matters is that you’re not leading him on. And it doesn’t sound like you are. You’ve been honest from day one. You just want to feel things naturally instead of forcing the words out before they’re real.

Him telling his dad, buying gifts, using pet names that’s his pace, not yours. You don’t owe him matching energy on his timeline. You’ll open up when you feel safe enough, not because you’re pushed.

If you like him, keep showing up in the ways you can. That’s enough for now. The rest will settle when you’re ready.

[Tara]

This guy is smothering you, and you’re letting him because you don’t want to look like the bad guy. He’s not “sweet,” he’s sprinting through emotional milestones like there’s a prize at the end. Three months in, and he’s dropping I love you, using pet names like it’s a clearance sale, telling his father about you, and planning Christmas gift hand-offs like you’re already his girlfriend. That’s not romance, that’s emotional overreach.

You told him you wanted to go slow. He ignored that. He kept accelerating. And now you’re having panic attacks trying to keep up with a pace you never agreed to. That’s not compatibility. That’s pressure masquerading as affection.

You’re not “reserved.” You’re sane. He’s the one unloading relationship-level intensity into a connection that barely has legs. And here’s the uncomfortable part: he’s doing it because he knows you won’t push back. You’re so worried about not hurting his feelings that you’re letting him bulldoze yours.

Your feelings aren’t “behind.” They’re accurate. You don’t know him well enough to be in love, and you’re not ready to introduce him to family because you’re not in a relationship. You’re in a runaway emotional train he’s driving.

[Member]

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