[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for the last four years. He is my first love and I’m his. He claims to love me so much, but I honestly don’t feel it anymore. And if he does love me, he isn’t showing it.

Last year he cheated on me. TBH I don’t know the extent of how far he went with this girl or how many times because the story keeps changing. Originally he told me they just kissed and hung out a few times and even that was hard to swallow. I ran into this girl and found out that more happened. He says they just made out (which I am absolutley disgusted that he could do that to me). I am more appaled that he lied to me about it after having given him a million opportunities to be honest. So since he lied about how far they went, I wonder what else he is lying about. For all I know they had sex and I’m starting to think I should make my decision to stay based on worst case scenario. If they did have sex I am so incredibly done with him. Our one main connection is that we have only ever been with each other. We’re both 22 btw.

The other thing is, he is way too friendly with other girls to the point that I find it disrespectful. We’re at a juncture where he needs to be making me feel safe and proving he can be trusted, yet he is always hanging with this girl, commented on everything she posts or says on facebook. They text all the time and when we go out in a group, he pays more attention to her, and will be affectionate with her. I spoke to him about how it makes me feel. I was incredibly honest about my jealousy and trust issues. I agreed that I would make an effort to get to know his friend better and he agreed that they would tone it down and they would be more of aquaintaneces than bffs.

Anyways, we were out after the bar getting pizza and he’s in line with his arm around her and talking and he kisses her forhead. I was livid and made a scene in front of everyone (which I’m not proud of). I later spoke with her about it and she said that’s how they are blah blah blah. What UI don’t understand is how he can say he loves me, and do something when he knows it hurts me. He saw how muchthis upset me, promised to stop and does it again. It makes me feel like he doesn’t give a sh*t about my feelings. This compunded with the lying, I feel like I have no other choice but to end this relationship. I love him but I deserve better.

[Ask April Masini]

You already know what to do, but let me confirm your instincts for you. Your boyfriend at age 22 wants to experience other women. He also doesn’t want to let you go, but he can’t do both and that’s why he’s bungling the relationship. What he’s doing doesn’t work. His behavior seems to me like he’s cheating on you and putting his arm around another woman, kissing her on the forehead — and all this in front of you — means he’s clearly putting himself ahead of you or your relationship together.

Your attempt at honesty and expressing your feelings to him is futile. If a man wants you to be his Ms. Right he’s going to ACT like it. Words are great in poetry, but if they’re not backed up with action, they’re meaningless, so forget his protestations of love — his behavior is showing you he wants to date the field and experience more relationships with other women. It’s not you. It’s him. But unless you recognize who he is and where he is in his life right now, you’re going to put yourself through more anguish.

It’s time to move on and know that this lovely relationship has ended. Don’t stay after the party stops. Exit gracefully and find love where the man wants to be all yours and wants you to be all his.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please join me on Facebook. Here’s the link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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