[Silly]

I’m sooo sad please help me. I don’t know if I’m thinking too much or my boyfriend actually found someone else. We been together for more than a year. We started doing long distance since July. We been doing FaceTime since then. But the last couple weeks it just feels so different. I feel like he’s changed I feel like he doesn’t wanna talk to me. Well I have to admit that I’m a nuts. When he doesn’t reply me or answer my calls I bitch the hell out of him. I send him like lots and lots of messages. Then when he finally answer I bitch at him. I know I shouldn’t but sometimes I can’t stop myself. He lied to me before so now sometimes I still think he’s lying. We always fight cause I want him to change and he wants me to change. I want him to keep his promises he wants me to stop bitching. I’ll be like “If only you answer by call I would stop bitching.” Then he’ll be “I’ll answer more if you stop bitching sometimes I don’t wanna talk to you cause I know you will bitch.” Well I haven’t give him shit for a while now. Been pretty good but the last couple days we didn’t really do FaceTime. It kept disconnecting it’s been 4 days now. We have tried FaceTime, tango, viber. None of them works. When we do FaceTime it’ll work for like a couple minutes then I’ll hear him saying “hello hi are you there” I keep talking but it doesn’t seem like he can hear me. We have tried viber, when I call him he’ll be like “it’s not working it even let me answer.” We tried tango today, same as FaceTime it worked for like a couple minutes then I heard him saying “hello can you hear me?” It got disconnected then I tried calling him again, he said “it won’t even let me answer” I’m sooo sad cause I think he’s lying. He said cause their wifi hasn’t been working properly since the day his dad unplugged and plugging it back in. I think he’s lying cause well he lied to me before we broke up then we got back together and it’s been more than a year since we got back. I really don’t know. I told him to create a Skype account, so he can do it on his computer. His computer is land line. But then he said “I can’t my mom bitch at me about having the camera the other day so I took it out” but… The thing is that camera has been there for the longest time… So yeah I really don’t know what is going on. I keep thinking maybe cause he found another girl or maybe he’s hiding a girl in his room that’s why he tries to avoid doing video with me. I really don’t know. And also He’s always ya I’ll do it later I promise. But today he broke his promise again. So… I gave him shit again. I tried to hold it I really did. But… I don’t know what to do. Does he not love me anymore? What should I do? Please help me I’m so sad :'(

Thank you sooo much!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you write again, tell me how old you both are — that helps! 🙂

From what you’ve written, you’ve driven your boyfriend away — and now you’re upset about it. 😳 The answer to your problems is very simple — treat him in a way that he wants to be with you and that he wants to treat you well. 😉 You’re in control. And know that if you treat him poorly, he’s not going to want to be with you. It’s really that simple.

If your boyfriend lies, figure out why he’s lying. Don’t berate him to stop lying. That never works. 😕 Men who are not chronic liars lie because they don’t want you to know the truth because it will upset the status quo, or because the truth will send you into an emotional state that they don’t want to face. If he’s lying because he’s started dating someone else, then you need to compete to win him over — or else let it go because you’ll be together in six or nine or however many months you have left of the long distance relationship. Or…. decide that this isn’t working for you.

Long distance relationships are a lot different than in town relationships and they require a lot more trust and structure. Not everybody who can be part of a healthy in town relationship can be part of a healthy long distance relationship because the latter is more difficult for most people. You have to learn to let things go, rather than harp on details. You also have to figure out how often you’re going to connect, and be okay if it’s just once or twice a week. You also have to use other methods of communication like snail mail love letters, little gifts, and sexy communication and flirting that keeps the heat on until you meet again. 😉 You also have to know that you can afford the number of meetings that you’ll need to make the LDR work. This can be a pricey proposition, but if you can’t afford to meet more than once a year, this relationship might not work for once or both of you.

I hope that this helps.

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