[royboy11]

My bf and I have been together (total) for about a year and a half. We are in love and I love him and i know I always will. We started dating in February of 2014. And he broke up with me at the beginning of the summer of 2015.
We were broken up for about 4 months, when he started to contact me again saying he missed me and he would change for the better.
I took him back around Halloween of 2015.
Now it’s February of 2016. And we are right back to where we were a year ago.
He lies to me, breaks promises, and hasn’t changed like he said he would.
The reason why we broke up first was because he would do all those things and not care that it hurt me. He would want to be with his friends more.
We would fight almost everyday because of things he would do that he told me he wouldn’t.
His friends are people that are bad influences on him. They do drugs everyday. Drink. And we are all in high school. He tells me he doesn’t do those things, but I don’t know anymore. He’s different when he’s with his friends too.
While we were broken up he dated 2 girls, and talked to many others. I talked to 2 as well. I hated it. I realized I couldn’t like anyone else.. I knew I still loved him. But he hadn’t changed for the better.
So when he started talking to me, I was so happy and confused.
I took him back bevause I was never over him, and I wanted us to work out.
Now, he is saying the same things as last year.
We are fighting and he’s always hurting me.
I care about him and love him so much.
He knows what things will hurt me, yet he keeps doing them.
Sometimes it’s like he cares and loves me, and others it’s the complete opposite. He says horrible things to me when we are fighting. Things I would never say.
Last night he lied to me again, so I was upset. Then, when I got home, he suddenly blew up on me and kept saying that “it’s over, I can’t do it anymore, etc.” And he wouldn’t stop saying it.
I kept saying “it’s not over”. Obviously.
Today he went around school telling people that he is single.
We haven’t talked in person about the situation either, it’s been all on texts. He needs to grow up, he still wants to be around bad people, and be lazy. I have put to much of my life into this to just let him go again. I never got over him in the months we were broken up, I know i never will. I love him, and I need help with this situation.

I need help. I know we are only 17, we are 18 in April. But I really need help. I cannot lose him again. I love him. We are meant to be. Please help me..

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re so upset. I get it. 🙁 It’s really difficult when you love someone and they don’t behave the way you want them to. In fact, it’s infuriating and upsetting and it doesn’t end — until someone breaks the pattern. He isn’t going to, and I think you can see that. This is who he is. Your job is to accept that. I know you want him to be different, but it isn’t fair for you to ask him to change when he doesn’t want to. If he wanted to, he would. So, the ball is in your court.

You don’t want someone with his bad qualities, but you love him and don’t want to lose him. Do you see how that’s a no win situation? It doesn’t matter if you’re 17 or 77, wanting someone to change when they don’t want to, is a recipe for relationship disaster — and that’s what you’re in. So here’s the deal: Just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean they’re right for you. This is a tough concept to grasp because it’s disappointing when you want everything — and you can’t have it because it doesn’t exist. So I’m suggesting you accept that you love him — and you can’t be with him because he doesn’t behave the way you want a boyfriend to behave.

if you get back together with him, you’re going to go around and around in this same circle of being together, being happy, his behaving badly, you trying to get him to change, fighting, fighting, breaking up. Over and over and over. This relationship isn’t going to be a happy one if you get it back, so I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept that he’s not right for you, and move on.

It’s tough to always act on your feelings, and you’ll have a moment of wisdom when you realize that your feelings don’t have to be everything — you can have them, and not act on them. 😉

I hope that helps.

[royboy11]

I definetely hear what you’re saying. And it just hurts so much because I understand every bit of it, but I can’t bring myself to actually leave, or be able to walk away when he wants to leave…

I’ve got a new chapter of this story for you.

So, I went to see him and talk to him 2 days after the “break up”.
He had his mind made up, he said he wanted to be around tons of people, he didn’t want to worry about me getting mad for him hanging out with his bad friends..
He wanted to be a teenager, and be rebellious.
I am much more mature and I know exactly what I want.
So we were talking and his mom came in and talked to us and asked us why he wanted to break up.
He said because he wants to be able to do whatever he wants.
She said in order for us to work, we have to both work together.
He can’t lie to me anymore, break promises, ignore me.
And i need to stop getting so mad at him, but i need to learn to trust him as well, which will obviously take time.

So then we went to dinner with his parents and all was well.
I was still obviously hurt over the situation. But I was content finally.

Then, I went over there this Sunday to hangout like normal.
We were fine, I checked his phone to see something, and I saw a bunch of deleted text messages between him and another girl in my class.
There were a lot.
Also, I went onto his snapchat, and he had added 15 girls to his friends list.
And the same girl that he had been texting was his “best friend” on there which means he snapchatted her the most.
It said they had sent snapchat back and forth for 3 days.
He never did this or talked to any of these girls.
He claims they are now his friends.
And he would always get mad at me if I texted another guy, or snap chatted another guy.
He denies it now. Saying he can do what he wants and he doesn’t care about how it makes me feel.

So then, after I confront him over text about all the girls, he starts acting very strange.
He is suddenly very cold and blunt.
He is answering everything with “idk”
And worst of all, he won’t say I love you back at all. Not once.
He would ignore me on the phone, and not care at all.
The next day (today) he ignored me for most of the day until tonight.
He did what he did last week, saying it was over and that he couldn’t do it anymore and that I needed to consider myself single now.
He wa saying he wanted to do whatever he wanted again.
He said that everybody makes mistakes and that if leaving me is a mistake, oh well.
He kept saying that it was over.

Then suddenly, he sent me this…

“I don’t know what I want it’s seriously hurting my head to figure out what I want right now I love you and I want to be with you but I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I just need to sleep and I’m praying that God give me a sign of what is best I love you I’ll text you in the morning with my final decision. I’m sorry. I love you. Goodnight.”

And then after, this…

“I was just thinking and what changed my mind was I know that you will always love me for me. And even though some people call you “crazy” you arent.. you’re just crazy in love I can’t see anyone else ever loving me like you do and love like that is something I never want to lose. Something that I never want to let go of. My life is Going to change. Yes I’m still going to have friends. Like isaiah but you have to know that I’m not stupid like that okay? All I want rachel is a little space. And for you not to go so angry and upset at little things. Or medium sized things like potholes… (trying to make you laugh) I love you and I’m sorry that the few days have been so hard on you and I’m sorry I’m such an asshole. Please come over soon. I need you. I need you here beside me. I love you rachel and I’m sorry that I had to do this to you. I’m glad I came to realize what was best for me and my future. I love you, goodnight beautiful.”

Thus whole time I’ve been talking to my mom and crying all night about this situation.. I honestly thought it was over and then he did that… it’s an emotional Rollercoaster…
And every time I just let someone down with the decision I make.

It’s stressing my mom put to see me so hurt and in pain and crying over him…

I can’t take it, I just want everyone to be happy, and I want to be happy with him.

But it’s like whatever I do, it’s the wrong choice.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Look… he is who he is. You have a clear picture of him. He’s all over the map, but more importantly, he lies, he doesn’t put your feelings first, and he really doesn’t want to date you in any monogamous, long-term way. He wants your attention when he’s lonely and down, and he wants you to get lost when he’s got more interesting things to do. There is a right decision, but you don’t want to take it because you don’t want to face the painful reality that the relationship you have isn’t a healthy one, or one that you should be in. When you’re ready, a better world awaits you! And until you are, you’re going to stay in the same drama you’ve been having with him. Don’t expect change from him — just more of the same. 🙁

[Member]

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