[darkbrooks]

Dear April,

I’m 18 and I have known this one guy, Mark, for 3 years. He is a great friend, and we’ve always been really flirty over message, and I have always thought that he was interested in me. Two months ago at a party we made out, we were both a tiny bit tipsy, but I can remember everything. He was being incredibly flirty (more so that usual) during the night, and kept complimenting me, then put his arm around me and gazed into my eyes before we started kissing.
I was confused the next day as I thought I saw him as only a friend, so I did not act upon what had transpired between us the night before. I even told a friend of mine (who is close friends with him) that I only saw our kiss as a “one time thing”, which, at the time, may have been true, as I was confused about my feelings.

HOWEVER, recently, over the past month or so, I’ve had a few guys interested in me (about 5- one of which was one of Mark’s friends), and I felt like I had to choose one. I went out on a date with one guy but I couldn’t stop thinking about Mark, and found myself wanting to be with him instead. I finally realised about two weeks ago that I really, truly do like Mark, and maybe I even have for a while now. We met up and I told him the truth, and he said we could “give it a shot”, so I thought he liked me back, and I started, obviously, to like him even more. HOWEVER, we met up again and he told me he “had been thinking” and said it “wouldn’t work out” as the feelings he may have had for me 2 months ago when we kissed were gone. I was incredibly hurt, but I put on a brave face obviously, and now I don’t know what to do, because now I like him more than ever. I’m not sure why he has lost interest- was it because I took too long to act upon the kiss? Or because maybe his friend told him he liked me? Or because he wants to be free to sleep around in his first year of University??? I’m having a party on Saturday, and he SHOULD be coming, is there anything I can possibly do?? I don’t necessarily want to be his girlfriend, I just want to kiss him again, and for him to look at me like he did before. Should I tell him that I am fine with something just casual? Or should I just give up and try to just be friends? My friends think I should move on but he means more to me than they can understand.

Thank you, I would really appreciate the help. Sorry it’s so long.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Freshman guys at college usually want to experiment. They don’t want to get tied down. So that’s working against you. Also, a drunken kiss, or hooking up at a boozy party doesn’t mean he likes you. It means you were willing and he was ready. Many times women try to leverage that kiss or that hook up into emotional currency. It was just a kiss. Women tend to get more invested in these exchanges than men do, so get to know yourself and how you react to a party kiss — so you can protect yourself against getting hurt. You didn’t do anything wrong — but don’t expect him to want to date you just because you kissed at a party. It sounds like he’s not interested.

Back off and play it cool. Play the field, and learn a couple of quick lessons: 1. Men and women can’t be friends because one person always likes the other more at some point, and that creates dynamics that breed dishonesty and scheming. That’s not friendship. And, 2. If he likes you and wants to have a dating relationship with you, he will. You’ll know because he’ll ask you out. Don’t try to twist encounters into more than they are. You’ll pretend you’re confused so you can try and bend the situation into more than it is, and you’ll spend a to of time and energy on this “analysis” of what happened. Instead, stay light and breezy, and flirt, but don’t invest emotional currency on one night. 😉

[Member]

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