[Anonymous]

Two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend (mid-30s) of 3 years because he wouldn’t commit to us making a move to live in the same city and seriously considering living together. He has said, even just a few weeks before, that he loves me more than anything so I don’t get it! For several reasons, including common friends, I seriously doubt he’s been cheating on me.

I left my job recently and he never said anything about my trying to find something close to him. We only lived in the same city the first couple months of our relationship and thereafter were a 4 hour drive then even further at a 3.5 hour flight away. I finally had the opportunity to really focus on finding something near him and thus stated something about this being the time to do that. He said that I shouldn’t make career decisions based on our relationship and that he needed to make some decisions which could even take him out of the country. I replied that I really wouldn’t be because there are a lot of companies in my industry near him, which is true, and stated that people who love each other and want to be together figure it out and his reply is that people are different… This was over the phone, although I had just visited him less than two weeks before. He said he need to figure make some decisions first which could possibly take him out of the country.

He asked what I want to do, to which I replied that I want to break up because I want a stable relationship where I’m with someone who wants to work toward being together and eventually living together. I then told him that I will need some space for a while to get over things and so I didn’t want him to call me for a while. He didn’t seem to like this and asked how long. I said that I didn’t know, a few weeks or perhaps more. He then asked if he could email me. I said that he could but not to expect me to reply. Two days later the emails started.

He first emailed that I’ve been in his thoughts for the majority of the past few days and that he has stifled the urge to call me, although nothing about wanting to get back together. He also included me in party Evite but as I said we don’t live near each other so not sure why he added me. After a few emails, I finally emailed him stating that our breakup was for the best, that I was adjusting to it better than I expected, and that I was having a great time on my trip. He replied soon thereafter that he was happy that I’m happy but that he wasn’t exactly happy but time would change this.

A few days later he drunk (I suspect) texted me that he misses me and wishes he were with me. Late the following day he apologized for sending the text and said that he was just missing me. He waited a while to send the follow-up email so I suspect he was hoping I’d reply to the text. He then sent me two emails in the next two hours just asking me a question and to tell me about an event on TV. He’s still signing with “Love” and using my nickname for him. I just don’t know what kind of game he is playing…I’m confused! I haven’t replied to any of this.

Please help! I might be interested in trying again but only if he wants to really commit to being together and working out the issues we’ve had. Btw, he’s very stubborn. How do I interpret his actions and what steps should I take? If he doesn’t want to “go for it” then I’m done.

[Ask April Masini]

Well, you’re right that he’s stubborn! 😆 But you also have to remember that [i]actions speak louder than words[/i], and he’s not acting like he wants the same commitment you do. You’ve been crystal clear and he’s not a dummy. He’s not going to give you what you want, and it’s time for you to move on and find someone who will. I’m glad you didn’t spend more than 3 years with him, because you’d really be kicking yourself if you did.

You’re going to have to be strong because he’s not going to go away — but unless he shows up with a ring and a proposal, you shouldn’t expect more than what you’ve seen over the last three years.

I’m sorry, but I hope you “get it”. Let me know how things play out. And consider buying and reading Think & Date Like A Man, a book I’ve written for women who want to be more successful in their dating lives. You can get it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. The reason I mention it is that in the book I talk about only dating men who are READY for a commitment and how you can tell if the guy you’re interested is. You’d benefit A LOT from this book. 🙂

And don’t forget to join me on Facebook at AskApril.com here: [url][/url]. You can become a free member by making a request on the site.

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