[Anonymous]

Hi there,

I am really stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have been with my gf (well X at the minute) for 5 yrs, we have always had a fiery relationship but loved eachother as much as the next couple.

I had alot of problems with my family when i was a child and I became very needy to my gf and relied heavily on her emotionally, we moved into a house with her brother and his gf (this was the worst thing we ever did) we had rows in the house and things got heated on one occasion when she hit me and i grabbed her and restrained her to stop her from hitting me, of course her brothers gf thought id hit her, us 2 spoke about it that night, we explained what happened and thought that was the end of it.

Needless to say eventually something had to give regarding the neediness and emtional side and she split up with me and said I needed to get councillin, she moved out of the house we shared with her brother and his gf but i remained for a while before moving in with my sister.

I did get councillin and became my own person again and we got back together… Things were perfect apart from a few instances where we had rows about me being with other people when we split up ( but i hadnt)… I moved in with her again in the flat she had moved into and we went on holiday for 2 weeks, had a fab time.

At xmas thats when it all come out, alligations that i beat her up from her brothers gf that she and her family had been talking about for months, which my gf was contronted by her parents on new yrs day! This didnt go down to well with my gf and she kicked up a big stink with her brother and all her family for talking behind her back. Her family have been so close ever since everyone of them were born, so this tore a massive divide between them all. Her mum and dad made a few wrong decisions on who they sided with ect and my gf was and still is very disappointed with them.

This is where ive been so selfish, for the last 11 months ive just ignored that my partner has been affected totally by this situatuion and kinda buried my head in the sand a little, been out with my mates alot played footy quite a bit, been out when i should of been there for my gf and how she was feelin.

She started councillin a short while back and wed was her third session, and the worst!! She didnt stop cryin for 3 days, i didnt no what to do to help her, she said she wanted to be alone, so i kept my distance a little, then sat night i came bak from being out and bang bomb shell!! She has said the reason she is feelin like this was because of me and not being there for her when she needed me and we are finished…

Ive been tryin to talk her round now for days, but she is adament all this situation is my fault and she wants to be herself agaiin but has to do it on her own… She is on about moving away altogether, i adore her so much id do anythin to make it up to her and make things right again.

I really dont know what else i can do… I am breakhearted

[Ask April Masini]

It takes two people to make a relationship work, but only one to break it up, and as long as she’s adamant that she doesn’t want to be together any more, there’s not a lot you can do to get her back right now. A five year relationship is plenty long enough to get to know someone. It sounds like you spent the last 11 months ignoring her and she decided that after five years together, and the last of those five years going in a direction that wasn’t good for her, she’d had enough. Eleven months is a long time to ignore her, and it sounds like you would have continued ignoring her if she hadn’t broken up with you. If you’re really with Ms. Right, you won’t want to ignore her — and certainly not for eleven months! Consider that your behavior was a subconscious way for you to get out of a relationship that may not have been working for you!

I think it’s time for you decide what you learned from the relationship and how you want to conduct yourself next time around. For now, you should get over the break up and move on.

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