[Emmell]

Ok so im a gay female and i joined a dating website about a year ago, i never really used it until recently..
I got chatting to this girl and we got on really well. Same sense of humour etc
After about a month and a half of talking we decided to meet up,
We met up and went for a couple of drinks and we got on amazingly!
I never kiss on a first date but we were flirting like mad and ended up kissing a few times.
After that we were talking on the phone and through texts alot.
We met up again about 4 days later and again got on absolutely amazing, until she introduced me to 2 of her friends and this was where the problems started. I went to kiss her infront of one of her friends and she pulled away and said no. I said ok and just let it go, when we went outside alone i asked her what was wrong and she said she had pulled away cause one of her friends was actually an ex that she was with for a week or two and that her friend wasnt over her yet so she didnt wanna hurt her by having her see us kissing.
I thought it seemed genuine so i said it was ok. Then we kissed and went back to the bar, i was talking to one of her other friends and he basically told me that i was wasting my time cause something was still going on between them. I decided to go home and the girl i was meeting messaged me asking why i left so i told her what had been said. She got really upset, crying and stuff saying she really likes me and doesnt wanna mess it up cause she could see us being together at some point. She denied anything going on with her friend and i believed her as she was so upset. We sorted it out and carried on getting on fine. Then the week after that some bad stuff happened with me and my family and i ended up getting really drunk and taking an OD. it was a stupid drunken mistake and i ended up in hospital. Id had a really bad seizure and stuff. I told her about it coz she told me she had took an OD before so i thought she would understand. and from then she just totally changed with me. She said she was really upset i was in hospital and that she would be there for me but then she just started to get really different.
We arranged to meet up a couple of days later and she stood me up. She said she was waiting in the club for me but we hadnt arranged to meet there. I did say i was gonna go there but we were gonna meet up before hand.
So the next day we kind of fell out. She asked if we could start over and i said yes.
Then she got really distant. One minute we would talk as normal then it was kinda awkward. And it went on like that for days until i eventually asked her what was going on and where we stood with eachother..

She said that she did like me but didnt know what she wanted. She said when someone gets close enough to her to hurt her, her barriers go up because of her past. She said she does care about me but she just feels ‘weird and cautious’ because of her past.
She said she pushes people away cause shes scared of getting her heart broken and didnt wanna get too attatched to me coz she has trust issues and doesnt trust anyone. But at the same time i said i wasnt part of her past, that i wanted to be part of her future and that id never hurt her and she would see that if she gave me a chance to prove it.

She said she had given me a chance and that she thought i wouldnt hurt her.
So why is she pushing me away?

The next day i spoke to her and said i totally understood and respected her barriers and stuff
And that id wait for her to figure out what she wanted coz i really like her.
She said thank you and after that we didnt speak as much

The next weekend was her birthday and it was also my neices birthday the day before hers so i was out in town,
After a few drinks i messaged her asking if she thought id ever get past her barriers,
She messaged me back saying i hope so.

Then literally an hour later i got a message from her saying she didnt want to be selfish and didnt want me to wait for her to figure out what she wanted. She told me to move on and find someone Else. She messaged me again straight after saying ‘youre beautiful, canny and absolutely amazing, you’ll find someone who deserves you’

I was totally confused. Like an hour before she was saying she hoped i could get past her barriers.
We ended up having a massive argument coz i didnt understand at all and felt like she was messing me around.
Thru the argument she said some pretty nasty stuff. So did i.
We apologised and agreed to be friends.
She said she did like me but now doesnt want a relationship after the argument and said she doesnt wanna hurt me.

Is this totally over or can i get her back?
Is she just pushing me away coz shes scared of getting hurt?

Ive totally fallen for her. Im not in love but i cant get her out of my head.
I havent spoken to her for abougmt 4-5 days. Until about 2am this morning and we were joking around like we used to.

Should i talk to her about it or just walk away and be friends?
Im so confused!

I said i understood and asked her if she

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like over the course of six weeks you and this woman got to know each other and it seems like there are some barriers to becoming a couple in the way that I think you want to be a couple. Rather than try and save a relationship that is riddled with ups and downs, why not accept that she is someone who isn’t ready to be in a relationship the same way you are?

Compatibility is really important in making a relationship work and if you choose someone who’s not ready for marriage — or whatever your goal is for a relationship (long term monogamy, for instance), you’re setting yourself up for heartache.

My advice is to let go and move on and find someone who’s more compatible. But don’t get too attached until you know that they’re a good match.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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