[jvalmer2222]

I care about this girl alot however she drove me away because she was too controlling. She treated me like I was her pet to command and she had this “shopping list” of what a guy should be and do for her so they can prove they like her. At first I did some of the things she requested to keep her happy but other things I felt I was too uncomfortable (she didnt request sexual things) and when I didnt do them she would blow up at me. On and off on and off we kept trying to work it out, face to face we had great dates, great interactions it was perfect but over the phone it was annoying as I was always tested by her where I got terrified I couldnt talk to her anymore without saying something or doing something to upset her. I dont cheat and am loyal and surprise the person who matters to me randomly with gifts or romantic dates but she doesnt see it. She told me I worry her and cause her to lose sleep so I told her lets be friends only because her happiness matters to me. She didnt like this and is ignoring me but will respond if I text however shows no effort in wanting to talk, keep engaged or even want to see me. What should I do? Should I leave, is there something I can do to salvage this as a friendship only or even more if possible?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You only dated for two months, and that didn’t go very well. Then you tried to be friends and that didn’t go well, either. It sounds like the best thing for you to do is to move on. When someone doesn’t want to be your friend, especially after you dated them and broke up, it’s best to just let it go so you can be single and find someone with whom you’re truly compatible.

[Sally]

What you’re describing doesn’t sound like something you can fix by trying harder. You were already walking on eggshells, second-guessing every word, feeling tested instead of loved. That kind of dynamic doesn’t magically turn into a healthy friendship just because you change the label.
Right now, her ignoring you but responding just enough is her holding control, not reaching for connection. And you don’t need to keep offering access to someone who made you anxious and small, even if you care about her.
You already did the kind thing by stepping back for her happiness. Now do the same for yours. Let this go fully. If a real friendship ever comes back, it won’t come from chasing. It’ll come from distance and time.

[Tara]

This woman didn’t “care deeply.” She controlled you, tested you, punished you, and trained you to walk on eggshells like a frightened animal. And you let it happen.
She wasn’t asking for standards. She was running compliance tests. You weren’t her partner; you were an auditioning monkey jumping through hoops to earn emotional scraps. Every time you complied “to keep her happy,” you taught her that tantrums work and boundaries don’t exist. Congratulations, you helped build the monster you’re now afraid of.
The reason things felt “perfect” in person is simple: control is easier when she can see your reactions and watch you shrink. Over the phone, she had to manufacture anxiety to keep power, so she tested you. You weren’t terrified because you loved her. You were terrified because you were being psychologically conditioned. That’s not romance. That’s manipulation.
Now let’s address your favorite fantasy: “friends only.” That’s not noble. That’s cowardice dressed up as selflessness. You didn’t suggest friendship for her happiness, you did it because you couldn’t tolerate fully walking away and losing access to her. And she knows it. That’s why she’s giving you crumbs. She’s punishing you while keeping you on the leash.
She ignores you because she has no respect for you. She responds only when you text because she knows you’ll keep crawling back. No effort, no engagement, no plans because in her mind, you’re already owned. Pets don’t get pursued. They wait.
There is nothing to salvage. Not a relationship. Not a friendship. Not your dignity if you stay.

[Member]

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