[araz]

Dear all,
I have a problem in making relationship with girls, but I have not been able to fix it until now -that I am 25. I’m not a very shy guy when I talk to girls about daily life or when I help them in university for doing their homeworks or even when I dance with them in dance club, but unfortunately I’m shy and confused when I decide to start a relationship. Its really frustrating that since this age I haven’t had a intimate relationship with a girl. I’m wondering if you could show me a way for solving my problem.
Thanks in advance,
Master student in Istanbul.

[AskApril Masini]

The first thing you have to do is start to date. Focus on the women in your life and decide if there is someone you’d like to go out with on a date. If there isn’t, then get to know women at parties, clubs, class, around town — and make small talk with them that leads to conversations. If things go well, invite them to have coffee with you. If that goes well, invite them on a date that can be as simple as a movie or dinner. The more you do this, the more confident you’ll become and the more success in dating and relationships you’ll enjoy. I hope that helps! 🙂

[Sally]

What you’re describing isn’t really about shyness. You can talk, help, dance. The freeze happens when things might mean something. When there’s a chance of being seen, wanted, or rejected. That’s where your brain steps in and scrambles everything.

A lot of people don’t struggle with women. They struggle with vulnerability. Wanting something and risking hearing no.
The fix isn’t some trick or confidence hack. It’s starting smaller. Don’t aim for a relationship. Aim for honest moments. Saying I like talking to you. Asking someone to coffee without making it a big deal. Let it be awkward. Awkward is normal.

You’re 25. You’re not late. You’re just learning a part of yourself you haven’t practiced yet. And practice is allowed to be messy.

[Tara]

You don’t have a “problem with girls.” You have a problem with courage, ownership, and sexual intent.
You’re not shy. Shy men don’t dance with women, talk easily, or socialize. You do all of that just fine. What you refuse to do is risk rejection. So instead, you hide in safe roles: helper, friend, classmate, dance partner. Harmless. Neutral. Sexless.

That’s why you’re 25 with zero intimacy. Not because women don’t like you, but because you never make yourself legible as a man who wants one.
Women don’t start relationships with men who “decide internally” and then freeze. They start relationships with men who act. You wait for certainty, permission, perfect timing, or a guarantee you won’t feel stupid. None of that exists. While you hesitate, other men move clumsily, imperfectly, but decisively, and they win by default.

You say you’re “confused” when it’s time to start a relationship. No, you’re scared. Scared of being exposed. Scared of hearing no. Scared of finding out you’re not special. So you delay forever and call it confusion to protect your ego.

Helping women with homework, dancing, being nice, none of that creates attraction if you never express desire. Attraction requires risk. If you don’t take it, nothing happens. Ever.
The solution is not therapy, books, or more thinking. The solution is brutal and simple:
You ask women out directly.
You flirt openly.
You accept rejection without drama.
You stop pretending friendship will magically turn sexual.
You will feel awkward. You will get rejected. Good. That’s the price of adulthood.

[Member]

Posts