[jem1437]

I need help, my boyfriend and I are struggling because a year ago we both cheated. Him first, telling me he’s sorry he’s not with me but acting like we’re actually together and lying about this other girl he was seeing for a month. However, when I cheated he was leaning towards being together again and I was telling him I wanted that but sleeping with another guy. In result, the other guy ended up sexually assaulting me. He cornered me and my friend in the bathroom and ignored me saying I didn’t want to do it. Now my boyfriend is saying the only thing to fix it and show I care about him over this other guy is to file for rape and to put on facebook all of our problems and how they’re my fault. What I did, but through his eyes. He’s read self help things about getting over cheating and is stuck on that if I don’t do everything he wants me to do like tear myself a part on facebook and put myself through the anxiety attacks and a defense attorneys accusations of going after this guy then I don’t really care about him. And according to the self help stuff he’s read that means I’m not willing to fix it. I keep begging him to talk it through with me, but we both have emotional pain tied to this conversation and struggle being able to talk it through in a healthy way. How can we fix our problems and hurt? Am I supposed to just put myself through what he’s asking? Or is it unfair for him to ask that of me like I feel it is? Quitting isn’t an option. Neither of us want to actually break up, we want to be together. We just don’t know how to fix it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Okay, so you’re 26 and he’s 27. You’ve been dating for 3 years and he’s been divorced for almost 3 years. You each have a child from a prior relationship, one is 4 and one 8. Thanks for that info. Here’s my advice:

1. Go to the police and report the rape. Don’t delay.
2. Do not post details of the alleged crime on social media. It’s a police matter and something you and your family and friends need to help you through.
3. It sounds like your boyfriend is insisting you take to social media and blame yourself publicly to protect his ego. If you’re trying to hold together a relationship with someone who’s so insecure that he’s insisting on this public display of blame, you’re in an unhealthy relationship. Someone who is healthy will want to work things through with you — not put you on display in a negative way. Your boyfriend isn’t behaving in a way that is healthy.
4. Because you have a four year old, you have to put your health and the child’s life first. Saying that breaking up with this guy is not an option isn’t the best thing for your child, you or your boyfriend. Time for you to man up! 😉
5. Lastly, remember that you got together before your boyfriend divorced and it’s very possible you were his rebound relationship and the fact that you both cheated was a flashing yellow light that there relationship problems that caused the cheating. Cheating isn’t usually the problem — what led up to it that created an atmosphere for it, is what you should be focusing on.

I hope that helps.

[Freya Jhon]

Yes, you cheated, but it’s not a “penalty” rap or public humiliation. Cheating is a mistake, but the real thing is trauma. By mixing the two, he is giving you a guilt trip.
And Ask April was right that you should focus on your children. You both have children of your own, so living in such a mentally ill environment is not good for the children either.
Staying with someone who turns your pain into a tool for their own ego is slow-motion suicide. So Move on

[Member]

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