[Anonymous]

Hello

I am experiencing terrible anxiety in my relationship, I have a history of commitment phobia i have never had one longer than 6 months. I met my current boyfriend at work I have known him for 2 years and had feelings for him most of that time but never did anything because i had doubts(he was very unhappy and he looks abit old and has terrible clothes)
when i left that job and didnt see him i really missed him I then found out he had met a girl and i was really upset… i then told him how i felt and he said that he had split up with her and was over the moon that i liked him.
at first everything was lovely and then i started freaking out crying and having major bouts of anxiety… i told him about my commitment issues and he is 100 percent supportive he trys to cheer me up and tells me we will get through it and it will make us stronger. i am not so sure. it has got to the point now where i just want to end things i Cant see it working the doubt is sooooo strong! but at the same time the idea of not being with him breaks my heart, i am really suffering.
my doubts about him are
he is very unconfident and weak he lets people walk all over him
he is over generous he gives away money he doesnt have and wont let me pay for anything even though he doesnt have any money(sounds great but i suspect he is trying to control me)
he is not successful and he is always putting off taking steps to move forward.
he has bad clothes/ hair and is a bit wrinkly and starting to go bald.(he is 32)
he is not young and cool and fashinable
he says annoying things sometimes

now i know some of these are ridiculous but i need to be honest

the things i like about him are….

he is very kind and supportive
he is very funny
i think he is good looking at times
he is inteligent
he is healthy and looks after himself which is very good for me as i am not
i can talk to him about anthing
he accepts me completely for who I am

one other issue i have is sex… i enjoy it at times but i dont feel it is very passionate or experimental(missionary nearly every time) and we dont communicate well in bed.

I dont know if you can help me but i am desperate i Dont want to keep throwing away potentially amazing relationships because of my fears but i always feel in my gut that they are not good enough for me that i can do better. I am 26 and would love to settle down.

hope you can help

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you have a commitment phobia. I think you’re just not dating smart. There are lots of women like you, so relax. You’re not alone, but you will be if you don’t change your behavior. Get my book called Think & Date Like A Man. You can order it as an automatic download here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] or you can buy it at Amazon or Barnes & Noble. This book will help you understand how to date in order to find, get and keep Mr. Right.

So buy it and read it.

In the meantime, understand that the guy you have is not Mr. RIght. Any guy who you can say that at age 32 he is not confident, and he is weak and unsuccessful and lazy in his career is not a guy I want you dating. And on top of that your sex life isn’t great. A guy who is Mr. Right is ready to settle down — which is what you clearly want.

You won’t feel your anxiety when you’re with a guy who you know will make a good husband. You’re choosing guys you want to [i]bend[/i] into Mr. Right. If you can remember the toy, Gumby, you’ll know that he’s a TOY not a real man. Men don’t bend.

So get the book and read it. You’ll know what to do when you finish. And I’m here, too!

Please follow me on Twitter, as well @AskAprilcom (no dot!).

[Member]

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