[navi123]

Hello,
I have been with my girfriend for almost two years. Overall we have a real good relationship. But our relationship was always somewhat complicated but it is even worst now. She is still married but she has been seperated for two years. Her soon to be ex husband was just dragging his feet with the divorce. She has three kids from her soon to be ex-husband. She has two that are real young and the oldest is turning 13 this year. The youngest have been with her the duration of our relationship and the oldest was livining with her grandma. During this time we had to keep our relationship discreet in front of her youngest becuase she didn’t want it to be an issue during the divorce. Now her oldest is there and she has to be even more discreet. Now our communication has become worse. She is letting her daughter use her cell phone until she buy’s her one. So when I text and call my girlfirend tells me to watch what I say because her daughter can see my text. I asked her why would you give her your pin anyway. She told me she wasn’t thinking. So now her daughter is asking why am I texting and calling her all the time. To make matters worst…..she just told me she is trying to get her daughter adjusted so it will be awhile into we see each other. So I thought about it. Lack of communication and no face to face interaction for awhile. So my question is what do you suggest I do about this relatinship? We do both love each other dearly but it’s becoming real frustrating.

Thanks.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I think you should let her go. She’s married. She’s has three children. Her thirteen year old is getting implicated in your relationship. This is going to make her divorce proceedings even more acrimonious because her husband will be furious that she’s been dating you. It’s also going to make life even more complicated for her thirteen year old child. 😳

I know you love her, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to be able to have a healthy relationship with her. My advice is to date women who are single. You’ll be less likely to have these types of complications. 😉 And you’ll be happier.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[navi123]

Thanks for your response. I have been waiting for awhile and her divorce will be finalized next month. So are you still suggesting I should move on? She’s frustrated also.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Ah….. well, if you’re [i]sure[/i] her divorce will be granted next month, and you’ve been dating for two years, and she has three children, you should probably have a plan that goes something like this:

I imagine her living situation with her husband will change and the kids will be on a shared custody schedule. This is going to be a [i]big[/i] change. Because the kids don’t know about you, it’s probably best if you not be around them until you think you want to be a permanent part of her life, and theirs. If you do, then you need to discuss this with your girlfriend. Until that time, my advice is [i]not[/i] to call her or text her on her cell phone since she’s sharing it with her 13 year old and the daughter may see messages meant only for her, and will become curious as to why you’re phoning her mom so much. Use a landline only and don’t leave messages.

Only see her when the kids are with their dad. It’s too much change for the kids right now. If and when you decide to make this permanent, slowly have her introduce you to the kids. The kids have been through a lot more complications than you and she have, so try and put them first.

That should get you started — let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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