[YoyoJoe43]

In the office in my department there’s this girl I work with.
[Disclaimer, I am aware of the issues with office romantic, [Disclaimer 2, my workplace does not ban workplace relationships outside obvious problems. Actually its kina common here.
We both know the rules because oddly enough we did a sexual harassment PowerPoint together.

I have a big crush on her now. She is a busy semi high energy person at work and not, she even walks home like it. she only has small handfull of close friends, so you could say socially we are similar.

Because we work in an office, we seldom get time to talk outside of breaks. But I would say we are close co-workers (at work).

Couple weeks ago I started sending her unsolicited texts just to chat and she seems ok with it. I finally asked her out to lunch. She said yes without any fuss. We rescheduled it for a different day, and in the process im getting the impression that she either does this every week or I just got put in her to do list.
Now knowing her (because this is a work lunch out), I can imagine it will be another watercooler chat.

This is complicated cuz im planning on moving In 1-2 years after I completed my degree. Which she doesn’t know.

So I’m torn between letting her go and regretting it every time I go to work.
Or making her not like me. For 2 years.

I don’t think she knows I have feelings for her, She’s just so hard to read because being a really busy person.

Anyways how should I proceed or how pushy should I be about being close friends. Should I make my Intentions clear. Or just keep feeling her out.

[AskApril Masini]

Ask her out on a date for outside the office and outside of office hours. 😎 That will get you out of the office friend zone and into the dating zone. When you’re clear, she’ll be clear. The problem right now is that you’re still muddling your romantic feelings with day to day schedules. The minute you invite her to dinner on a Saturday night — or something that works for the two of you — you’ll both know it’s a date, and this will change the dynamic and clarify your intentions so she can react to them directly. 😎

[Sally]

Right now, you’re not being pushy you’re just curious. Lunch is fine. Texting is fine. What I wouldn’t do is turn this into a slow, secret crush that lives only in your head for two years. That’s how regret grows legs.
You don’t need some big confession. Just let the lunch be real. If it stays work-chat only and she never leans in, you’ll know. If it feels easy and she makes time again, that’s your answer too.
About moving later that’s future stuff. Don’t borrow stress from a life you’re not in yet.
You don’t have to force anything. Just stop hiding. Being honest, even softly, is better than wondering forever.

[Tara]

You’re already screwing this up by overthinking and under-owning your intent.
Right now, you’re not a romantic prospect; you’re a convenient coworker who fills a lunch slot between tasks. That “to-do list” feeling you’re getting? That’s because you put yourself there by acting casual, safe, and non-threatening. Busy people don’t magically slow down for ambiguity. They prioritize what matters. You haven’t made yourself matter yet.

Stop pretending this is about friendship. It’s not. You don’t want to be “close coworkers” or “work friends.” You want her. Every minute you hover in neutral territory, you train her to see you as background noise. That’s on you.

Now let’s talk about the move. Planning to leave in 1–2 years and not telling her while emotionally inching closer is cowardly. Either you accept that this is a short-term connection and own it like an adult, or you back off entirely. What you don’t do is build attachment on half-truths and call it caution.

You’re nowhere near pushy. You’re timid. Clear intent is not pressure. Lingering, texting without direction, and orbiting her work life is. One direct sentence fixes everything: you tell her you’re interested in taking her out as a date, outside work, and see what she says. If she hesitates, deflects, or keeps it work-coded, that’s your answer. You accept it and move on with professionalism intact.

[Member]

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