[secretstuff7]

PART 1

Hey, I am a 20 year old girl and have been in a relationship with my (20 year old) boyfriend for 2 years. However I have landed my self in a difficult situation that I have no idea how to get out of. Me and my boyfriend had a lot of difficulties during the first year of our relationship. He hurt me a lot (he never cheated or abused me by the way) and it took a long time for me to get him to stop acting the way he was. When he finally stopped, after a year of me getting upset etc, it was time to start getting over it. During the second year of the relationship, I spent a long time trying to get over the whole thing. I’m not sure if I’m even over it now- though I am not near as upset as I used to be about it. Anyway, we faced other issues in the second year, such as me putting a lot more effort into the relationship than him. I confronted him on these issues, and things eventually changed. However, I cannot seem to get to grips with the fact that he only stopped hurting me because I begged him too, and the fact that he only started putting effort in because I said, etc. I should not have had to ask for these things if he loved me as much as I love him. Anyway, recently I have felt a lot less enthusiastic- like I have almost given up trying so hard because I don’t believe I should have to try this hard to make him try, when it should come naturally. Recently there have been no problems, but my head is a mess from the past. That “spark” has been taken over by exhaustion, and I dislike the fact that it took so much effort from my side to get him to make effort- what if I had put the same effort in as he had? etc. But now I feel like not putting in effort anymore and letting him do it, but I don’t want to feel like that, as I love putting effort into people, but my enthusiasm has almost died for it in this situation. Also, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to get over the past- I am still living on the basis “I’ll get over it one day”. I do love him, and we are the best of friends, but I’m scared that the “spark” may not return.

PART 2 (Appologies for this being so long 😛 )

I have recently started a new job. I have been there for niearly 3 months and I enjoy it. Whilst there, I have made a friend. He is into all the same things as me and we get along really well. He is 35. The thing that gets me about this guy is that he has the same enthusiasm towards our friendship as I do- without me having to tell him to. He has recently come out of a 10 year relationship (they grew apart). We grew pretty close in the last 3 months, and recently he has revealed to me that he really likes me- I also really like him- but I have my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend and I would never cheat on him, but I do worry about spending the rest of my life feeling slightly off due to the past and the fact he needed prompting etc. Anyway, I do like this guy from work quite a lot, but there are the obvious factors- The fact I have a boyfrind and the age gap. Thing is, I don’t think this guy knows how I feel, so recently he has been acting more like an aquantence rather than a friend. He also seems quite “off” with me. I do not want to lose this guys friendship. But how do I let him know how I feel without feeling like I am being disloyal to my boyfriend? I use the age gap as a factor against me ever starting anything with this guy, not because it bothers me now, but I feel it would play a part in the future. I don’t want to leave my boyfriend, but I also don’t want to end up spending the rest of my life in regret if I never manage to “fix” things. I also don’t want to lose the friendship of this guy from work. I also don’t want to regret letting him go in the future if things do not resolve in my relationship.

Thank you for taking the time to hear about his =D It’s good being able to vent sometimes haha xx

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re confused because you want what you can’t have and you refuse to accept it. First of all, you’re trying to make your boyfriend into someone he isn’t. Second you’re trying to not lose this new guy without betraying your boyfriend. You can’t do either of those things.

My advice is you drop your boyfriend. You may think you love him, but you’re clearly unhappy about the relationship and looking elsewhere for male companionship. You’re wasting your time trying to get this boyfriend to be kind and empathetic when he isn’t, and now you’re wasting time trying to get past hurt that isn’t going away because it’s a flashing light trying to tell you he’s not “the one”.

This new guy is interested, and you have to let him know you are, too. If you don’t, you’re going to feel a chill in the air! Read Think & Date Like A Man, a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. It will help you get this guy and keep him. Here’s the link where you can download the book automatically: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], but you can also get it online at Amazon and the website for Barnes & Noble.

Let me know how it goes, and follow me @AskAprilcom and on Facebook: [url][/url].

[Member]

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