[Arrowsmith]

Hi April? Am in a 6 months relationship with a lady who I love sincerely and completely. The problem is that my ex is pregnant and due late this month or early next month, she called me and I went and confirmed its true. I’m confused if I should let my lady in on this, for sure I know it’s bound to hurt her so much and a possible break up might follow which am not ready for. My ex is really pushing me, I’ve tried to explain this to her but she’s taking none of it. Am already taking responsibility; been accompanying her for check up clinics and even bought baby stuff but she won’t let a day pass without calling or sending texts. What should I do? Please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to have a lasting relationship with your girlfriend, you have to be honest with her. Becoming a father changes things. She’s not just going to be dating a single guy — she’s going to be dating a single father! I know you’re afraid of losing her, and you might do that, but if you don’t tell her, you DEFINITELY will.

Think about it from her point of view and try reversing the tables. How would YOU feel if you found out she has a child and didn’t tell you because she thought you’d leave her? Not so good about the future, right? So you see, you have to tell her about your situation now.

If she isn’t interested in staying with you, then it’s much better to know now than down the road when you’ve both invested in the relationship even more than you have now.

Good luck! And let me know how things go, if you need help.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Arrowsmith]

Thanks April, am going to think on how to approach her and tell her the truth, am hoping she will understand me as she was born as a result of an extra marital relationship and she was brought up by the dad and her mother in law, whom the dad cheated on with her mother.
Kindly advise me on how I should handle my ex. I know she is soon to be the mother of my kid and she deserves respect for that but she’s too much; she throws herself on me and I don’t like it. We broke up because she was controlling (she would check my call logs and texts then later call the number or reply the text in a suggestive manner behind my back),would never apologies for wrong doings/misunderstandings and abusive (slapped me one time in the presence of her young sister after refusing to let her have my phone then told me am gonna die of AIDS just like my late father saying, “after all, the child of a snake is a snake.”)
My friends think I should be hard on her but I feel like I will be giving her more reasons to fight me. What do I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like your relationship with your ex-girlfriend and the future mother your child needs some structure. Ideally this is something you can work out without the help of the court system. Here are some ideas that you can use to structure a relationship that supports parenting your new child peacefully, with your ex.

First of all, work out the finances. Lots of negative engagement occurs as a result of fights over money. Agree on a regular contribution to your child’s needs. Next, work out a visiting schedule. This requires give and take and flexibility — especially since your child isn’t born yet, so you don’t really know how things will play out, but you can start discussing what kind of schedule you’d like in order to see your child.

That’s the bare bones. If you can find ways to be amicable and co-parent beyond that, great! Throwing joint birthday parties, having holidays together and attending parent teacher conferences as a threesome are goals to shoot for, but co-parenting in a family like yours takes creativity, flexibility and patience. 😉

I hope that helps!

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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