[nikkastix]

I feel like I have no one I can talk to about this. My husband and I had issues before we got married but worked them out. If I talk to my friends or family – they will be very biased… My husband and I have been married 2 years and he has been unemployed about that long (but had job issues on and off before that). We are living off my income right now and I also go to school at nights – almost done with my degree. My husband pretty much gave up trying to find a job a while ago but when I ask him about it, he says he’s been looking around a little and throws himself a pity party about no one hiring him.

The kicker – I’m pregnant and will soon be out of work for a bit to have the baby – bit problem is that we are barely scraping by on one income right now and will be drowning when I go on maternity leave. He keeps saying he will get work somehow but isn’t doing jack squat to find a job! Even his friends gave him shit about it when he hung out with them tonight and he came home all depressed and with a poor me attitude. He gets stressed when we talk about the upcoming lack of funds but won’t do anything! Just plays video games and surfs the web. Advice please??

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you married a man who didn’t work when you were dating, didn’t work during the marriage, and doesn’t work now that you’re pregnant. 😳 What’s changed is that now YOU can’t work because you’re going to take maternity leave and this is going to make your financial situation difficult.

I know you think that he should get a job, but it’s time to put fantasy aside and deal with reality — especially because you’re about to become a mother. I don’t mean to be tough on you, but it’s ludicrous for you to expect him to change now. Life is hard for women who marry men because of their [i]potential[/i]. More often than not, they come to learn the hard way that potential is a lot less important than who a man REALLY IS.

My advice is that you make the most of what you have. If your husband is willing to be a stay at home dad, then you can continue being the bread winner and he can be the one to raise your child. I know that this isn’t what you want, and it isn’t what I want for you, but given the fact that you’ve chosen a guy who doesn’t work, married him, and had a baby with him, you now have very little choice except to support your child and him as you’ve been doing. 🙁

I wish you good luck. Let me know how things go.

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