[nobodyspecial2u]

I’m with a woman who is 50 … I am 47 … she has been through alot in her life and she is very tough at times and can be cold. I love her to death but sometimes I feel like I wanna run when she gets this way but at the same time I don’t wanna be like all the others and just give up walk away like others in her past did to her … recently an old gf came into my life after 25 years and we chatted for a bit … talked about my relationship and she asked me if that’s the kind of life I want … she made it clear she wants me back and now I don’t know what to do … I know the grass isn’t always greener on the other side … I don’t know what to do ????

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little more. 🙂 How long have you and your girlfriend been together? Is her chilliness the only issue in the relationship? As for the ex-girlfriend who recently connected with you… why did the two of you break up and how long were you together?

I’ll give you my advice when I have a little more information.

[nobodyspecial2u]

We have been together for 6 months … for the most part her chilliness is the only issue … my gf is the type of person who is very straight forward and doesn’t sugar coat anything. That took me some time to get used to. She can be a bit of a bulley but she claims shes that way becasue of what she’s been through with her last 2 marriages. Sometimes her youngest daughter who is 12 can be hard to deal with … as for my ex … we were young … I started dating her when i was 17 and it lasted 5 years …

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thanks for filling me in. It sounds like her cold demeanor is a reaction to two divorces and the struggles that went with the failed marriages. People react different ways to relationships and their failures so what you’re seeing is in fact partly her reaction to the divorces, but it’s also all about HER reactions to the two divorces. Some people can go through four divorces and be cheerful and see the glass as half full. Some go through one divorce and feel scarred for life. So I’m not sure it’s entirely fair to blame the chill on the divorces. This may just be who she is.

The fact that you’re at the six month mark of the relationship, and struggling with this issue, makes a lot of sense. This six month mark is usually the time when people decide whether or not they want to be serious in their relationship or not. Whether you stay with her or not is going to depend on what it is you’re looking for in a relationship and how serious you are about finding it. She’s probably not going to change — and if you haven’t gone through any tough times together, yet, you have to try and figure out what that will be like. Every couple goes through them — whether it’s a job loss, an accident, an illness, death of a loved one, etc. And you want to try to find someone who will be strong for and with you during those times. The fact that she’s got a 12 year old who’s got several teenage years of mandatory toughness in front of her, may hasten those tough times! 😉

I know I didn’t answer the question of whether or not you should stay with her, for you — but I hope I’ve given you some guidance so you can better answer that question for yourself. Let me know if you have any follow up questions.

[nobodyspecial2u]

Thank you so much for you answer … it really does help 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome! 🙂

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