[allyartin]

I am an assistant manager in a boutique and I just meet the assistant manager of the mall. He is extremely shy and even my associates have noticed. We had a grand opening party and he came just to talk to me because he talked to one other person and the rest of the time he wasn’t talking to me he was just standing there and smiling at me. Anyway he came to the store on my day off and gave my manager his business card with his cell number on it. Then the next day he came in to ask about a problem we were having and he said that he gave his card and so if we have any problems to call him. Everyday he will wave at me as he passes by my store. He ways fixes himself when he sees me and tries to make eye contact with everyone but can’t help but look at me all the time. It has been a month and still same game. I know he’s really shy but I still have his card. I’m so close to texting him for coffee? I’m so confused because I don’t know how to deal with shy people. My manager once yelled at him because she was having a problem and my associates were telling me nervous and scared he looked. Please help he is actually the kind of guy I go for. Thank you in advance.

[AskApril Masini]

Hi there! I completely understand your problem and why you’re confused. You want to get things moving in the right direction so they don’t stagnate — but you also, at the exact same time, don’t want to appear to be too pushy, desperate or needy. And you don’t get why he isn’t moving forward more clearly and quickly. Understood! Completely get it. 😉

So, first, the thing is, you haven’t mentioned anything that [i]you’ve[/i] done — just what [i]he’s[/i] done. Guys want to lead and win — but they also want to know that they’re not going to be rejected. They’re way more sensitive than many people give them credit for! 😉 So your job is to give him something to chase after. He wants a clue that he’s not going to get hurt with a rejection from you. So how do you do that? Flirting is an excellent tool to use! Smile at him — as you would someone you want to date, not someone you’re simply greeting at work. Use your body language — play with your hair when you talk to him, and laugh at all his jokes. Compliment him on his appearance, the way he does his job so well, his athletic build — whatever you see that is worthy, let him know. This will mean way more to him than you may realize. 🙂 It’s going to boost his confidence, his self esteem and his good feelings about you (and himself when he’s in your presence).

Next, dial it up a little. Bring him some homemade cookies and when he waves at you at work, flag him over — and tell him you were thinking of him while at home baking! This is way better than you asking him out for coffee. It’s giving him a little gift of appreciation and recognition and it gives him the message that you’re kind and you’re thinking of him and you’re interested. 😎 It also gives him way more of a clue that you want him to ask you out than simply smiling and waving does. 😉

I like this strategy better than your asking him out for coffee. It’s always tricky when a woman does the asking in spite of what a lot of people think about women doing the asking. I vote for you to let him ask — don’t you do it. I hear from so many women who do the asking and end up even more confused than before they asked. They have ask, have a date, pay and leave, and then wonder why he isn’t calling. They’re not just stuck in the same spot as they were before asking — they’re even more confused. So let him ask — but definitely give him a big clue that you like him enough to want him to take you out on a date.

Let me know how things go!! 😀

[Sally]

From everything you described, this guy sounds interested just painfully shy. Showing up just to talk to you, leaving his card, waving every day, fixing himself when he sees you, getting visibly nervous? Those are classic signs of someone who likes you but doesn’t know how to make the next move, especially in a work setting where he’s scared of messing up.

Shy people don’t flirt loudly. They hover. They find reasons to stop by. They smile too much and freeze when put on the spot. Him looking scared when your manager yelled at him tracks with that too.

If you want coffee, it’s totally okay for you to text him. Keep it light and low pressure. Something simple like, hey, this is from the boutique. I’ve enjoyed chatting with you. Want to grab coffee sometime? That’s it.

You’re not crossing a line. You’re opening a door. And honestly, shy guys usually need someone to do that first.

[Tara]

You’re not confused, you’re hesitating because you want certainty before taking the smallest risk, and life doesn’t work that way. He’s not “playing a game,” and he’s not sending mixed signals he’s shy, professionally constrained, and doing exactly as much as his spine currently allows without crossing workplace lines.

The card was the invitation. The eye contact, the hovering, the self-adjusting, the repeated passes by your store, those aren’t accidents; they’re interest leaking out of someone with limited social courage.

If you sit around waiting for him to suddenly transform into a confident pursuer, you’ll wait forever and then watch him disappear. Texting him for coffee isn’t desperate, inappropriate, or confusing; it’s decisive. If you don’t do it, nothing happens. If you do, you get an answer.
Stop overanalyzing shy behavior like it’s a puzzle; it’s just fear plus interest. Either step up and lead, or accept that you chose safety over possibility.

[Member]

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