[Anonymous]

Dear April,

I’m currently in a confused state. I’m usually good at interpreting things like these, but somehow this one just escapes me. As an introduction, i’m 26 a working professional, she’s 20 still in her mid years of college, we live 2 states apart or approx. 200 miles away. Anyway to the story.., I just recently got to know of this girl from a friend, we started off by me texting her, at first like most people, i wanted to get to know her, so we texted usually once a day at night, just one text from me would initiate a full blown conversation between us lasting approx 20-30 texts or even more at a time. She would reply quite fast and from there, i think she likes chatting with me. But the thing is, i’m the person who initiates all of the texts, if i dont text her in a particular day, she wont text me, so this confuses me. Why is she not taking the initiative? is she really interested or is she just leading me on?

Anyway going forward, after 2 weeks of texting, i built up the courage to call her, our conversations would last on average 1 and a half hours each time, since i’ve just started working, i would only call her once or twice a week to avoid exorbitant phone bills. Both of us just like to talk alot. When i asked if she talks to other guys for this long at a time, she answered no, except me and her ex bf, it makes me think that she’s interested. But like texting, she NEVER initiates a call, it will always be me, and me only. But i tell myself that its because she’s a college student living off her parents and she cant afford the calls, but common sense tells me that why can’t she just call and say a simple “Hi, how are you?” This again confuses me.

After a month of numerous texts and calls, we decided to meet, and from her reactions to our appointment, it makes me feel like it was a one-sided deal, as in i’m the one who really wants to meet her where she’s fine either way. Again, i’m confused. She once told me that she does not go on a one-on-one date with a guy she has never met before without being accompanied by other female friends, but she went out with me….alone, just like a normal date, we talked a lot and did what a normal couple does on dates, lunch and a movie. So this again makes me feel like she’s really interested in me. But the date ended in quite a disappointing way, when i dropped her off, the only thing she said was “Ok Bye” and got out of my car, i mean, i drove 200 miles just to see her, and this is the only words that i get? Now i’m getting more confused and really frustrated.

So the day after the date i texted her, and one reply stood out most, she texted me “i think u should not like a person too easily”, i was like very surprised, is she hinting to me that she’s not interested? or does she wants us to get to know each other more? I’m thinking that my previous text of “i’m sad not being able to easily see you since you live so far away” triggered this reply from her. From my opinion, she’s a little bit immature by the way she talks, answers questions and speaks.

It got me thinking, am i going too fast? am i pushing too hard? should i back off? So i made the decision to not text her for a few days just to see her reaction, so far its been 2 days without any communication from either side.

Am i doing the right thing? Am i going too fast? or [b]the most important question of all, is she interested in me? or is she just passing through? How do i positively know that she’s interested in me if she really is, what other ‘tests’ that i could employ to get a sure sign[/b]. This is my 2nd time in the love game so i’m fairly inexperienced.

To add to the above, she broke up with her bf around 8 months ago, and still has a hard time letting him go, her facebook wall contains a lot of heartbroken posts such as “when i look at a star and thinking of you, i’m wishing that you’re thinking of me too”. She’s pretty attractive with a slew of guys trying to hit on her but i was told by her BFF that she only prefer older and more mature guys.

Please help me, any advice is highly appreciated.

Thank you,
Very Confused

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’re new to dating, you probably don’t realize that it’s really normal for a woman to expect the man to pursue her — so that SHE can tell how much you like her. 😀 So, in response to your questions about her early non-initiation of texts — what she did was normal. It’s your job to chase her and her job to give you something to chase. 😉 If at any time you think she’s not interested, back off.

On the other hand, nice guys finish last, so if she perceives you as TOO available 😳 she won’t be as interested as if it seems like you’re confident, have a life without her, and have other women interested in you.

The way YOU can figure out if she likes you is varied. Some signs that she likes you include: she’ll agree to go out with you; she’ll be happy to see you; she’ll project warmth and laugh at your jokes. If you want the whole nine yards, you should read a book I wrote for men called Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], that will give you all the details on her body language, what women want, and how to get the girl.

All that said, driving 200 miles to date a woman you’re having doubts about, isn’t a good move. My advice is you start dating women who live within an hour’s drive.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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