[needit5555]

Hope you can help.

In a committed relationship for 2 years and love each other. She is 15 years younger. We both are married. She has been for 3 years and I for 20+years. We want to leave our current relationships but can’t leave for various reasons. I have not had physical relationship with my wife since I have been involved with the other woman. She on the other hand told me recently that she has had physical relationship with her husband. She tells me she never initiates the physical part but has to go along with it for the sake of not revealing anything at this time.

I’m having a hard time coping with her having sex with her husband while she tells me she loves me. I have been able to avoid things with my wife because of my strong feelings of commitment to her. Do I doubt her commitment to me because of this? It hurts me to think that she is having a physical relationship with someone else while telling me she loves me. I’m lost and hurt about how to reconcile this in my mind.

Can you please help… thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Do I doubt her commitment to me because of this?[/quote]

You’re kidding me right? 😯

You’re married. She’s married. You’re not married to each other. You won’t leave your wife. She won’t leave her husband. Of course she’s not committed to you. She’s committed to her husband. (Whom she cheats on, so maybe that’s the best kind of commitment you can hope for from her.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt that she’s having sex with her husband, but for you to think she isn’t would be odd.

Getting involved while you’re married with someone who’s married to someone else is incredibly fertile ground for confusion. If you don’t want to be confused then decide to stay married or get divorced and if you stay, focus on your marriage, and if you don’t, find a woman who’s not married. I promise you won’t be confused if you follow that advice! 😉

Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[needit5555]

Thank you. Your comments made me think. We do love each other very much and want a future together.

What do you think of the idea to keeping our commitment to one another but live our separate lives with our current spouses until we are freed of our commitments? This way we can fully focus on our relationship without the inteference of the past. This might take 1-2 years. If we go in this direction and during the 1-2 years, how, when, and for what do we communicate? Do we set boundaries? Is it better to cut-off communication? Any ideas how we can structure this?

Again, thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]What do you think of the idea to keeping our commitment to one another but live our separate lives with our current spouses until we are freed of our commitments? [/quote]

What kind of commitment can you keep to a woman you love if you stay married to someone else? 😳 What is it, exactly, you are committing to? Because I’m really stumped on that one. 😕

[quote]If we go in this direction and during the 1-2 years, how, when, and for what do we communicate?
[/quote]

Look, you wrote to me because you’re confused. If you want to stop being confused, then stop complicating your relationship with your wife. Or stop complicating your relationship with your girlfriend and her husband. 🙄 You really have to pick one woman if you don’t want to be confused. 😉 You’re basically asking me how to do something that’s not possible.

[quote]Do we set boundaries? Is it better to cut-off communication? Any ideas how we can structure this?[/quote]

Yes, you do set boundaries. Either you stay with your wife and don’t communicate with your married girlfriend or you leave your wife and see if your girlfriend leaves her husband (I’m betting she won’t.). And if she doesn’t, you can start dating and see if there’s love for you with someone who is appropriate and a good match for you. 😉

And here’s the elephant in the room that I’m sure everyone reading wants to know the answer to: Why are you staying married to your wife if you don’t have sex with her, love someone else, and have cheated for two years and want a future with this other woman? ❓ ❓

If you do write back, please tell me how old you both are. 😀

Please follow me @AskAPrilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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