[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing someone for 5 months. I’m 33, he’s 41. We both just recently came out of really long relationships and we both said that we weren’t ready for anything serious. We agreed we’d have some fun and just see where it goes. In the beginning there was intense chemistry between us and we hit it off right away. We went on some really fun dates dates, and had tons of wild wild crazy awesome sex (that we both agreed it was awesome!). He had me over, cooked for me a bunch of times, wine and dined me, etc. Heres the thing, he lives about 1000 miles away. So I only got to see him while I was on business trips or vice versa. But we spent as much time as we could together. He flew out in June to see me for 2 weeks. Then I flew out for a business trip in July for 2 weeks (but all I could think about was seeing him). We spent alot of time together there. He had me at his house, took me to a bunch of concerts, and introduced me to his group of friends. He even introduced me to his 2 year old son and invited me to spend the day with them. I rejected because I thought it was too soon. The last time we saw eachother (July) I was clear that I just didnt want anything serious from him right now in my life (I am a full time student, self-employed, mom – and he knows this) I stressed that I had alot on my plate, although I have told him that I really liked him alot and maybe when I’m done school (in January) I’d be more available for a relationship. He’s coming out in 2 weeks, and we have made lots of plans. I fell in love with him, but truthfully I’m petrified I’m going to get hurt (self defense mechanism) so I haven’t told him how strongly I feel. I have to admit, I have been playing some mind games, I only call or text when he’s called me first, but I always reply within the day when he does. He used to call or text every day, but within the last week its been only a few times. I called him today, he told me he’d call me back in the evening but he didn’t. Now I’m feeling rejected.

How should I handle this? Should I just follow through with the plans we made when he comes out and be casual like always? Should I tell him how I feel, that I fell in love with him and I’m afraid of getting hurt? What do I do??

[Ask April Masini]

All relationships run the risk of rejection at any point, and although marriage contains vows that are supposed to be sacred, the divorce rate belies that purity. Life happens and there are ups and downs, so understand that if I could sell you insurance to protect your broken heart, I would! 😆 But I can’t, because it doesn’t exist.

I know you don’t want to get hurt, but I hope you’ll assume the risk — but make any risk you take [i]a good risk[/i]. 😉 One way to do this is to buy Think & Date Like A Man, a book I’ve written for women who want help finding, getting and keeping Mr. Right. You can download the book here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It will give you a very strong foundation as well as details on what you describe in your post as game playing. Dating IS a game, as you well know — so get the advantage by reading this book and using the tips and advice in it for yourself! 😉

Your situation is a little more complicated because of the distance. Normally, you wouldn’t spend two weeks together in the first few months of dating, and I think you’re feeling a little rejected or taken advantage of because you’re not being wooed or courted during the time you’re not seeing him — but you’ve committed two weeks to him! 🙁

My advice is to read Think & Date Like A Man, and follow that advice. Keep your next two week date on the calendar since you do want to see him. Do NOT tell him that you fell in love with him and are afraid of getting hurt. What you want to do is to entice him into falling in love with you — not back him into a corner with your feelings and fears. You’ll get a much better handle on all this when you read the book.

Let me know how that goes — and don’t forget to join me on Facebook at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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