[Jade99]

I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months…
We said exclusive mostly bc we became physical…then he gave me a key about a month ago…
A cpl wks ago he started being distant and sending mixed signals…i supected he had interest in someone else so i gave him an out…he acted hurt but all he said was he had stuff to figure out …
Tonight i pressed the issue…he admitted he has this friend he’s grown close to…said they haven’t dated…or anything but that they talk/txt regularly…
He said he wants me in his life but now he’s not sure what he wants…
We talked for hours…i told him i understand and that i have doubts too…
I also said he can’t make the desion on who he’d like to move forward with bc he doesn’t know either of well enough to make that kind of choice…he was like exactly but he didn’t want to hurt me…and he needed time to wrk it out…i told him that, that was what dating is for…he said he doesn’t want to lose me…but it’s not fair and that he doesn’t want me to feel like he’s just stringing me along…
In the end we agreed to continue to date…but no sex…and we wld date other ppl…
It’s only been 2 months…but i honestly wld rather he explore things with her than always wonder about this friend…
They have a lot in common but he and i have very compatible temperaments…and to be honest there’s another guy I’ve been wondering about…but didn’t even give him my number out of respect for him..
What i want to know is…is this normal…is it healthy…
Or should i just cut bait?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you have a handle on the idea that it’s really too soon to know each other well enough to rule out dating other people — and yet you decided to be exclusive after only two months. 😕 Conflict! In general, you should plan to use the first three months of dating to simply decide if you want to continue dating a person. If you do, then use the second three months to decide if the two of you want to be monogamous. When you adopt this type of schedule, if one or the other of you finds you’re interested in someone else, there’s less of a jolt, emotionally. And if you do decide to be exclusive, after six months, you know each other a lot better than after one, two or three months time.

So, in answer to your questions, your interest in someone else is normal, healthy and understandable. The problem is that you pledged exclusivity and now you have to lose that commitment in order to move forward.

Hope that helps!

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[Jade99]

Actually my question was more…is this healthy to step back like this…or did we screw things up too much to save it…
He’s so worried i can’t forgive him…i can’t get him to see that…bc we were just dating that to me it’s a none issue…it’s too soon…
Our exclusivity was just bc of being physical…not a promise of commitment…
And he’s the one who is really interested in seeing someone else…mine is more just having doubts…
I just worry now that it we shouldn’t try to continue bc the damage is done…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Actually my question was more…is this healthy to step back like this…or did we screw things up too much to save it…[/quote]

I don’t really see it as a step back. And I don’t think that you can save something that hasn’t had a chance to gel yet. 😉 You’ve only been dating for two months. He wants to see someone else. You’re interested in seeing someone else. These things happen.

[quote]He’s so worried i can’t forgive him…[/quote]

The only reason he feels this way is because he wants to keep you around.

[quote]i can’t get him to see that…bc we were just dating that to me it’s a none issue…it’s too soon… Our exclusivity was just bc of being physical…not a promise of commitment…[/quote]

Exclusivity is commitment. And his giving you a key to his home is a commitment. Regardless of how you got there, you got there.

[quote]And he’s the one who is really interested in seeing someone else…mine is more just having doubts… I just worry now that it we shouldn’t try to continue bc the damage is done…[/quote]

I don’t really see that any [i]damage[/i] was done. It sounds like he wants to play the field, and you’re interested in doing so, too. The only thing that will change is that you won’t have the same type of commitment but that’s not really damage — it’s just an adjustment. And, frankly, it sounds like you both like each other, but not enough to not want to be exclusive just yet.

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[Jade99]

Thank you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

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