[stylegal23]

I am 23 years old, still living at home with my parents. I am pursuing my Master’s while working part-time. I feel no need to live on my own, yet. I am all about receiving my education, getting a job, having a steady income, and then, when the time is right, get married.
Previously, I have had some pretty rough relationships. A lot of issues stem from the boyfriend or potential boyfriend not getting along with my parents and vice versa. Granted, the guys turned out to be jerks. Now, at 23, I am “talking” to a potential. He has a job while finishing his last semester of college. In every aspect, he is a gentleman. Most importantly, he and I have clearly established boundaries and that school and family comes first, right now.
When I told my mother that I was going out with him and a friend to a basketball game, she quickly remarked “He knows this isn’t a date, right?” Her tone already implied that she did not approve without even meeting the guy. He wants to meet my family but my family is quick to judge and deem him unsuitable for me. When my 26 year old, married sister overheard the conversation, I heard the same tone in her voice “Who is (his name here)? How do you know him? Why are you going with him to the game without your mutual friend? Doesn’t that make it a date?” At the same time, she begins looking him up on every social media site. They truly make it a “game” to dig up dirt on people.

I am not worried about how he will act or what he will say; he is a gentleman and will treat my family with respect. I am worried about my judgmental family. How do I deal?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you have to be a little more realistic about your life. 😉

You describe yourself one way, but then the way you live is different from your own description. I think that your problems are stemming from the incongruity between the way you see yourself and the way you live. If you can integrate the way you see yourself, who you want to be, and the way you’re living you’ll be much happier! 🙂

For instance you describe yourself as sone who’s “all about” your education, career, income and when the time is right, getting married. And you say you see no reason to live on your own right now. That would indicate that dating is on the back burner, given your history with your parents. But….. you want to date while living with your parents who are very strict. You can’t have it both ways. 😕 The solution is pretty simple: You have to either live with your parents and focus on your education and your career — which it seems both you and your parents agree on….or live on your own, and date who you like without their putting you and your date under a microscope.

You can’t expect them to change just because you want them to. So, if you’re not going to move out, and you want to date, then don’t make a big deal out of a first date — or any date, until you’re serious about the guy. That means not telling them that you’re going out on a date, because you don’t want to hear their criticism. It’s not a very open or honest way to live long-term, but like I said, you can’t have it both ways. Live with your parents and listen to their criticism or live on your own, and live your own life. 😉

Hope that helps!

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[kathrynewyant]

How do I get my partner to be more romantic? I have asked and we have talked about it over and over and it does not one bit of good. He says he is sorry and it never changes. He is a good man, he treats me very well, he is very kind and has a big generous heart but the one thing I need from him he just does not give me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’d love to answer you — but I need you to start a new string of posts with a new topic, not piggyback on someone else’s posts. 😉 Go back to the main forum page and click on the button that says “NEWTOPIC*” and start yours there. When you do that, we can all see the history of a person’s questions and answers in one place. 😉 I’ll look out for it, and will answer you as soon as you do that! 😀

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