[Dillmitch88]

I am 27 and my girlfriend is 47. Her son has gone to juvenile detention and wants him home. On top of all other things and is depressed, neglecting herself and makes excuses. She barely talks to me or at all. Doesnt tell me she loves me anymore, dont seem ti want or need me, she cant even look at me. She doesnt even say she misses me. While back she said she misses everything I do and dont want want to lose her and im in love with her. She basicly an immature adult and cant or dont want to handle when things go bad, be nice if she would take responsibility and not put me on hold. I dont know what to do and I want it back to when it was perfect and for us to be stronger and last forever. I promised id always fight for her and never give up

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice will really hinge on how long the two of you have been dating. If it’s just been a few months, then I’d tell you that she’s got other things on her mind, and she’s just not that into you right now, in spite of what she said or felt in the past. But if it’s been a few years, and this is a long-term relationship, I think you have to consider what the problems on her plate actually are. Her son being in a juvenile detention hall is just the symptom of a deeper problem. And her depression could be temporary or chronic — which also makes a difference in my advice.

Fill me in a little more if you have more questions. The bottom line is that it takes two people to make things work, and you can be understanding and supportive and hope that she’ll come through this rough time — or you can decide that she’s someone who is chronically depressed or has too many real problems to be compatible with what you’re looking for in a relationship, and reconsider the relationship.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Dillmitch88]

Shes worth it to me

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Okay, then hang in there. 😉 Be supportive. Be honest. Tell her that you’d really like to not be put on hold when things are rough, and that you want to be part of her life no matter how tough things get. She may need to hear this a few times. And take care of yourself. It’s really important that you’re healthy and as happy as possible so you can be a strong, supportive boyfriend to her.

[Dillmitch88]

What is the best ways to be that supportive boyfriend in your thoughts. Of course all I can do to say anything is by text and mail a letter. If I call she wont answer and leave a voice mail. I just dont want to lose the love of my life. I dont want to be away from her anymore or ever again. A week ago her friend told me she was done with me and didnt want to marry me and I do want to marry her. For Christmas she is receiving a love book I made and dont know if she got it yet. Last night she texted me twice saying ty and sorry. I said your welcome and asked what she was sorry for. She said im trying to get myself back. Im trying to be understanding, but times I cant grasp whats exactly happening. Just hope this makes us stronger and better.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Under the circumstances, the best you can do to be supportive is to send her cards, gifts and e-mails that aren’t too frequent so that they’re desperate, but are spaced apart enough to be meaningful — and send her the message that you’re there for her if she needs you. You can send her inspirational quotes, interesting articles and stories, and gifts that will remind her to take care of herself, like a scented candle for relaxing, bubble bath, flowers — just little gifts that she’ll enjoy and that will make her remember what a great and caring guy you are.

I know that you don’t want to lose her, but for your own sake, you have to balance that desire with reality. If she’s got serious problems and isn’t ready to be in a relationship, then no matter what you want, she may not want the same thing right now, and that makes you incompatible. But since you do still want to hang in there, then practice being supportive with these gestures — and don’t forget to take care of yourself! When you’re spending a lot of energy on someone who is depressed, long term, you can end up depleting your own resources. So, take care of yourself to be better able to take care of others.

[Dillmitch88]

I hate the silence and not knowing what and where or whats she is doing. So many people put there two cents in and try to tell me what i should do but its my life and I chossen long ago who and what I want. Its only getting harder. Im seeking my help but no luck yet. I hate being away from her, just wanting to be around her would do so much and id like to hold her kiss her and much more…. miss it all and only hope that were stronger and better for it together. One real woman comes in my life who makes it perfect and fall deeply in love I cant let her go no matter what cause its real. I cant let that be a regret cause I couldnt live with that. Iv tried so hard to live this one life the best I can and I work hard and try harder than anyone I know but have dealt with more hard times than most. My mom is with my step dad and she only loves him and one who she was in love with got away and I cant go like that.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re so upset. I think you may be romanticizing your life. It doesn’t sound like your life is perfect, even though you say that it is. I think you’re committed to a woman who doesn’t want to be with you. That’s going to lead to unhappiness.

Let me know if you have any questions. I know this is difficult for you.

[Member]

Posts