[uridessey987]

Hi. Ive been bestfriend with this guy for 3 yrs. We fell in love with each other and decided then to take it to the next level. By the way Im only 21 and he is 33. So while we were together I made a big mistake of making an imaginary person to test him and to see if he really loves me because Ive been in so many relationships before and they only left me for another girl. I dont want to have another heartbreak thats why I tested him. Anyway, I made some stories that really hurt him. I really dont know why I did that. Maybe because of my past hurtful experiences that I also carried my baggages with me. Aside from that, I cant help but fell in love with my 2 officemates and he noticed that I was blushing when I mentioned them to him. I cant keep it to myself because he is my bestfriend. So he was really hurt. And then one time I went out with my friends. I was not able to text him the entire day because after 7 months, that was the only time that we had a reunion. And he said that I was dating someone thats why I was not able to text him. Then he broke up with me because of all those things. I just realized the efforts and sacrifices that he made for me when we were still together. That he would drove me home almost everyday. That he gave me gifts though I failed to give him one. That he would spend time with me rather than with his son (he is a separated guy, not yet divorced). That he really allotted much of his time and life with me. I spent christmas, new year and valentines day heartbroken. I tried to plead for him to take me back but he said that he was so much in pain. But we are still contacting each other. He said that when we are already healed and moved on, and the feelings are still there, we can talk and try again. I made up to him since the break up. I changed myself to become a better person. I am still giving him gifts even though we are no longer together. Im still inviting him to spend a weekend together which is just okay with him. But he no longer makes plan with me. Im no longer his priority and Im only his option. He no longer drives me home. I understand that because I really hurt him so much. Do I still have to fight for him? Im crying every night. My health is compromised. And I am in so much pain because I really love him so much. I want to be in his arms again. I want to spend my life with him. But with his situation and all, do I have to let him go or fight for him? Help me pls..

[AskApril Masini]

How long has he been separated from his wife?

[uridessey987]

He said that they have been separated for 4 yrs already. Am I just being his safety net that is why he asked to be friends?

[AskApril Masini]

You’re dating a married man. 😳 If he’s been separated for four years, and hasn’t gotten divorced, it’s because he doesn’t want to be divorced. I know you’re young, and probably don’t have the experience to know this — so, now you do.

On top of that, he’s demoted you in his life, and doesn’t want you as an important part of it. I know this is disappointing, but it’s a blessing in disguise. He was never going to be your Mr. Right, and now he’s setting you free. Yes, you should absolutely move on and find someone who is single and wants you as much as you want him — but doesn’t just talk the talk, he walks the walk. 😉

[quote]Do I still have to fight for him? Im crying every night. My health is compromised. And I am in so much pain because I really love him so much. I want to be in his arms again. I want to spend my life with him. But with his situation and all, do I have to let him go or fight for him? [/quote]

There is nothing for you to fight for. He’s got a wife and he doesn’t want you. You shouldn’t waste your time, energy, health and tears on a man who doesn’t want you — let alone one who doesn’t want you AND is married and is making no move at all to divorce his wife. The neon sign is lit, but you don’t see it because you don’t want to. If you stay with him, you’ll get sicker — physically and emotionally — and you’ll be hurting his family (if he has kids), too.

I know you’ve written that you’ve had a history, at age 21, of heart ache, so why not use this Valentine’s Day to turn your life around and vow ONLY to date men who are single and available. Buy yourself Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], and read it! It will help you make better choices.

I’m sorry you’re sad, but you’re not a victim. You have choices who you invest in. Invest wisely this next time around. 😉

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[uridessey987]

Does it mean that all we have is an affair? And he has 2 mobile phones. He never gave me his number in his iphone. And when he is going home to his state he would never text me and he would say that he was with his son. He is living in an apartment while his wife is in another state. But why does he keep on texting or meeting me? That is so selfish of him.

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]Does it mean that all we have is an affair?[/quote]

Yes. You’re the other woman. 😳 And you’re probably not the ONLY other woman. In other words, he’s probably got other girlfriends besides you. 😕

[quote]And he has 2 mobile phones. He never gave me his number in his iphone. [/quote]

That’s because he didn’t want you to be able to call him on the iphone. He didn’t want you in every part of his life. He wanted to control your ability to be in his life. 😳 A guy who is serious about you will give you his phone number. Both of them! This guy isn’t serious about you, I’m sorry to say.

[quote]And when he is going home to his state he would never text me and he would say that he was with his son.[/quote]

You do the math. How hard is it to text someone when you’re with a child? How much time does it take to send a smiley face icon? Or an “xo”? It takes a few seconds. And he could have called you when his son was asleep at night, or watching TV or playing at the park. Bottom line: If he wanted to text you he would have. But he didn’t want to text you because you were not that important to him. A guy who is serious about you cares about your feelings and will text, call and e-mail you when he’s out of town because he wants to hear from you. 😉 This guy didn’t want to hear from you.

[quote]He is living in an apartment while his wife is in another state.[/quote]

That’s what he’s telling you. It sounds like he’s dating other women and he’s still married to his wife. I know you want to think you were special to him, but this isn’t a guy who was looking for a real relationship. He was just looking for something on the side, and that’s what you were to him.

[quote] But why does he keep on texting or meeting me?[/quote]

Because he knows you’re willing. 🙁 Guys have sex because they can. If you’re willing to sleep with him, he’ll say whatever he needs to say to keep you in that game. 😕

[quote]That is so selfish of him.[/quote]

Yup. 😉

Now, don’t you want to be with someone who isn’t selfish? 🙂

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