[MarMarie]

I’ve been talking to a guy for about a year now. He just confessed to me that he liked me for a while even when he was with someone else. We started dating about a month ago. His past history with girls isnt so good. He’s a player. I know, I’ve been told to stay away from players. He’s only had sex with two people. (I’ve talked to his sister about it) His ex about two years ago and me. He’s been considered a whore 🙁 multiple times at the college I attend. A few days ago he started txting some female friends…. He confessed that he was getting them to talk to him inappropriatly. He asked me to yell at him, to leave him, to do something to punish him for what he did. for some reason, I cant bring myself to be mad at him. Im hurt and annoyed but not mad. How am I supposed to react to this problem? What should I do? Should I leave him or talk it out with him?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your boyfriend plays a huge role in creating his reputation — in fact, I think he fosters it himself. Clearly, he wants you (and everyone else) to know he would like to be a player — and a bad boy. He seems to think that being a player and a bad boy will give him some kind of social status — and in fact, in certain circles it does. The problem is that if you don’t act like he’s a bad boy and ask him to stop what he’s doing, he doesn’t feel like he’s being a bad boy! ❗

I think you’re not angry at him because you know who he is and you expect this kind of behavior from him. But you are hurt because he spoke to the girls inappropriately which was disrespectful to you — but he didn’t have sex with them which I think would have been crossing the line for you, so you’re upset, but not one hundred percent betrayed in your mind. That said, I don’t think he’s going to change his behavior because he’s working too hard at being perceived as a player to suddenly change his ways. If you want to keep dating him, he’s going to need a lot of attention and he’s going to want you to be part of his drama. He’s very committed to it. This doesn’t sound like a great idea for you if you’re looking for loyalty or commitment. 😕

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

And please join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you as a free member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[MarMarie]

Thanks for the advice you’ve given me 🙂 So far so good 🙂 But should I be worried? or is he trying to make up for hurting me? He talks non-stop about getting married and having kids now. He seems so serious though. I can’t tell if he’s messing with me or not. When he talked to his sister about it, she called me as soon as he left. She was worried about
him. I think it might last. But I don’t want to let my gurd down and get hurt again. Should I talk to him about it or just let him continue?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please tell me how old you both are — and for anyone who’s thinking of writing in, it always helps me and the other readers to know your ages! 🙂

I’m not sure why his sister was worried about him. Maybe you can elaborate a little. That would help me help you.

From what you’ve written, I think you DO have cause for concern if you think he’s going to follow through on getting married and having kids. A guy who behaves the way he does isn’t acting like he’s ready to settle down. So, yes, I think he may be saying he wants to marry you and have children with you one day to keep you in the game, since he knows he’s disrespected you with the other women you described him flirting inappropriately with.

I don’t think talking to him is going to do anything because he’s already aware of what he’s doing and that it hurts you. If he continues this behavior then you can be very, VERY sure he’s not committed to monogamy with you. Keeping your guard up, given what he’s done, is probably a wise decision.

I hope that helps.

Please join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you as a free member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Well I’m 20 and he’s 21. His sister was worried because, she has a one year old son named Adain. He was watching Adian one night for her and when she stopped by to pick him up, he asked if he could talk to her. She was worried because he never shares his feelings with her. He asked what it was like to have a kid and she answered him as best she could explain. He said he thought he was ready to have kids with me. He told her that he had fallen for me. She said you could tell he wasnt lying. He couldnt lie if his life depended on it. She told him that he should talk to me about it and see what I thought and felt about the subject. She said it worried her because he’s never talked about any of his past girfriends like he has me. I told her it was probably one of his mood swings. I told her she didnt have to worry, that he’d be okay. He came home and sat down and talked to me about it. He told me he was ready for us to have kids and he was ready to be with me forever. I didnt know what to say to him so i sat in silence and listened to him explain the way he felt about me. After he was through he gave me his cell phone and laptop and told me to look through it to make sure he wasnt lying to me. I don’t like to invade other people’s privacy. He was so sincere when he was talking about it I almost wondered if i should believe him. What if he’s not lying? What if he does want to get married and have kids? Will keeping my gaurd now affect my judgment later when I can take it down?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

After everything you’ve written, and I’ve responded to, the bottom line is that you’ve only been dating a month. It’s WAY to early to start talking about getting married. Continue to get to know each other and decide as you date and spend time together if YOU’RE ready to get married and if HE’S the one who’s right for you. Keep your eye on the ball! 😉

Don’t forget, also, to join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Ethan Morales]

this guy isn’t confused, he’s calculated. Everything about his behavior screams validation seeker. He flirts, crosses lines, then begs to be punished because it keeps him at the center of attention. That’s not remorse; that’s manipulation disguised as guilt. He doesn’t want forgiveness, he wants a reaction. He feeds on emotional chaos because it makes him feel important.

April nailed it. he’s invested in his “player” image. That reputation didn’t just happen; he built it, brick by brick, to look cool and untouchable. The moment someone doesn’t play into that like if she stopped reacting he’d panic because without drama, he’s just another insecure guy who doesn’t know how to connect in a healthy way.

her lack of anger says a lot. She’s not mad because she expected to be disrespected. That’s the quiet tragedy here when you’ve been hurt enough times, you start mistaking dysfunction for normal. She’s numb, not forgiving. And that’s how she’ll end up stuck in the same pattern until she decides she’s had enough.

the “marriage and kids” talk? Classic deflection. That’s what people say when they know they’ve crossed a line but don’t want to deal with the consequences. He’s not serious he’s trying to rebrand himself as “changed” so she doesn’t walk away. Words are cheap when there’s no behavioral shift backing them up.

she shouldn’t waste breath “talking it out.” He knows what he’s doing. You don’t need to explain respect to a man who already understands it but chooses to ignore it. The smart move is quiet distance no threats, no emotional scenes. Just withdraw and let him notice that the power game doesn’t work anymore.

this isn’t about love, it’s about control and ego. He likes being desired and forgiven more than he likes being committed. And she deep down wants to believe she’s the one who’ll change him. But no one reforms a man who’s addicted to attention. The only cure for this dynamic is walking away before it becomes another emotional mess that drains her self-worth.

[Tara]

This guy is a player doing exactly what players do, chasing attention, stirring drama, and treating loyalty like a costume he puts on only when someone is watching. The fact that he was flirting and getting girls to talk to him inappropriately while dating you isn’t a mistake, it’s his baseline behavior. And the cherry on top?

He asked you to “yell at him” and “punish him.” That’s not remorse that’s manipulation mixed with a pathetic attempt to make you responsible for policing his self-control. He wants you to mother him, not date him. And you not being mad isn’t noble; it’s you being emotionally conditioned to excuse garbage behavior because you’re afraid of losing him.

Here’s your real situation: you’re dating a man who already showed you what he is, and you’re hoping your tolerance will turn him into something better. It won’t. He will cheat, lie, repeat, confess just enough to reel you back in, and rely on your softness to avoid consequences.

The only correct move here is to walk away before you waste more time thinking you can love someone into integrity. You can’t. He’s not worth the emotional labor, he’s not worth the trust, and he sure as hell isn’t worth the heartbreak he’s warming up for. Leave him. Don’t talk it out. Don’t negotiate. Don’t babysit. Just end it and stop mistaking chaos for chemistry.

[Natalie Noah]

It’s clear that MarMarie is dealing with a man whose behavior is inconsistent and manipulative. He admits to flirting inappropriately with other women while dating her, encourages it even, and then expects forgiveness or compliance. That alone is a huge red flag. He’s presenting himself as a “bad boy” and using that persona to justify actions that are hurtful and disrespectful. The fact that she doesn’t feel fully betrayed might be clouding her judgment, but being hurt and unsettled is still a very real warning sign. She has every right to feel cautious, because actions not words are the true measure of a person’s commitment.

The dynamic here is tricky because he’s weaving together charm, future talk, and displays of concern from his sister to maintain control and keep her emotionally invested. While he talks about marriage and kids, his behavior tells a different story he’s prioritizing his social status as a “player” and keeping his options open. That means he’s using promises and affection strategically, rather than genuinely. MarMarie is right to keep her guard up; giving him the benefit of the doubt without boundaries sets her up for more disappointment and potential heartbreak.

The healthiest approach for her is to stay grounded in reality, not hope or words. She should observe his behavior over time, notice whether it aligns with the commitment he claims to want, and protect herself emotionally until there’s proof of consistent loyalty. Trust is earned, not assumed, and her well-being comes first. While it’s okay to give him a chance, she should do so cautiously, without lowering her standards for respect, honesty, and fidelity. Actions matter far more than the grand promises he throws out.

[Sally]

When you care about someone, you don’t always react the way people expect you to. You’re hurt, but you’re also hoping he’ll prove he’s not the guy everyone warned you about. That push-pull feeling is real.

But here’s the thing: a man who asks you to “punish” him isn’t taking responsibility. He’s trying to make you manage his guilt for him. And that’s not love that’s a headache waiting to happen.

What he did counts because he knew it would hurt you and did it anyway. And then he asked you to fix the way he feels about it.

If you stay, talk to him like an adult. Tell him you’re not here to babysit his choices. If he wants to be with you, he has to act like it.
But if you already feel this drained a month in… that’s a sign too.

[Gerwin]

In my opinion, he actually likes the attention he gets from being a womanizer, it seems like he sees it as something that adds to his image or identity. It feels like he’s just playing around and enjoying the situation.

It would be better for you to just avoid him. Based on your story, he doesn’t seem like a healthy person to be in a relationship with. Don’t bring a problem into your life that you’ll just end up hurting yourself with.

[Member]

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