[boxjocky]

Hello, i am new to the forums and I’ve been looking for some good, friendly advice. I came from Yahoo Answers, and to be quite honest, the reply’s i got back from that forum was…well…not exactly what I’m looking for. So i googled searched a “relationship forum” and well, here I am! Now onto my story/situation….let’s call the girl in my story/situation; “GIRL A”.

I met GIRL A at work, we’ve known each other for about 4 months. It started off with small talk, her telling me how she broke up with her first and only boyfriend. She came over my house to talk about it. We had dinner that night, and watched a movie. After that, we started making plans on hanging out. We would go jogging in the mornings, and talk about anything and everything. We would go to dinner and watch movies. Sometimes, she would bring her little brother to hangout with us. Whenever we hangout, she would pay for something, and i would pay for something, for example; I’d pay for dinner, and she would pay for movies. When we are with each other, we flirt a lot. I would let her drive my car, and hold her hand for a couple seconds, nudge her while she was driving or touch her thigh. If we were walking, and she was in front, I would grab her shoulder and guide her.

Whenever we are at work, she would draw on my water bottle every chance she would get, or draw on my hand. I would catch her staring at me, and once i stare back, she smiles and waves. She would tease me or throw stuff at me. She would always tell me how guys would ask her out, and that she finds it weird that they do. I don’t know if she is purposely telling me that to get me jealous. When we hangout, it’s always just me and her. We would go to the beach and rent bikes and ride them along the pier. She would be playful and run into my tire, or try to make me fall.

A couple days ago, we planned on another bike trip to the beach, but once we got to the beach, it was to cold, so we decided to go to a mall. We went to this shoe store, and i had sandals on, and i wanted to try on a pair of shoes. She let me borrow one of her socks, which i thought was kind of cute. She was teasing me about how big my foot is, and that i have toes that look like “midget hands” because there so long. I grabbed her foot and started playing with her toes, and she kept giggling. We went shopping in this clothing store, and she asked me “find me a cute outfit to wear”, which i did. We went to the dressing rooms and we showed each other the clothes we were trying on. On the way home, we were talking about her family, her friends and some sexual things. That same night, she asked me if i like dancing, and i said “yes i do”. She invited me to go dancing with her and her gf, which i agreed to go too. At the end of the night, i invited her one night to come over and I’ll make her dinner and we can watch a movie, and she said “sounds like a lot of fun. I’ll bake you some cupcakes too”. We’ve known each other for about 4 months now.

After that first night we went to the beach to ride bikes, it seemed like it really opened up a lot of things. She seems more comfortable with me, and shes more open with the things she talks about to me. I don’t know if i should make a move or keep things the way they are and hope for the best. Reason why I said that is because, she’s only had 1 bf, and she’s told me that she never really dated before. Back when she was with her boyfriend, they never really dated, they were friends, and one day, they just started going out. I don’t know if that’s what i should do, since to me, when we hangout, it seems like little dates rather then just “friends hanging out”.

Before, she wouldn’t really compliment what i was wearing or what kind of cologne i had one, but recently, she’s been giving me compliments on what i was wearing, and that i smelled good. She alway’s asks me if i have this certain cologne on. So when we went to the mall, and she was trying on outfits, i told her how cute that outfit looks on her, and that she would look very cute with that on.

A couple weeks ago, i asked if she wanted to go mini golfing, and she said “sure, with who”? I said, “my brother and his gf”. She said, “sounds like a double date”. I said “hahaha, it does, doesn’t it”? She responded with “i don’t want it to feel/be a double date”. I said “It won’t because its not”. Now, that was before we went to the beach etc.

Whenever we would hug, she would give the little “pats on the back” type hugs. But after we came back from the mall, and i gave her a hug, she gave me this different hug, a long hug that felt nice, but after about 2 seconds, she gave me a little pat on the back. Now, when i hug her, i don’t really give her the “i like you” type hugs either. I sometimes just put one arm around her when i hug her. Maybe i am giving her the wrong signs of me liking her, and she is scared and doesn’t want to make the wrong mistake either.

I don’t want to be in the friend zone, and I do like her a lot. I don’t know if i am overseeing things, or if she really likes me as well, she is just hesitant and scared. I don’t want to wait to long, and get “friend-zoned”, but at the same time, i don’t want to move to fast and cost the friendship. Taking risks are something we all need to do, and i am confident that i win her over. I am giving her hints that i like her, and in my opinion, she does like me back, but i don’t know if i am making the wrong judgement, which is why i am on this forum! Should i make a move, or should i continue to keep what we have now, and slowly move from there, and hope for the best like her and her ex boyfriend once did. Does she like me more then a friend, or is she just being friendly? I really appreciate you taking the time to read such a long story and taking the time to help me out!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Before I answer the two questions you asked, I’m going to give you my overall advice, which is:

The problem, my friend, is that YOU have put yourself in the friend zone. 😳 When you treat a woman like a friend, you are not showing her that you’re boyfriend material. Lots of times I hear from men who would rather spend time with a woman “as a friend” — and I’ll get to friendship between men and women in a minute — rather than risk the rejection that is part of dating when someone doesn’t want to go out with you. These guys write me because they’re upset that they’re in the friend zone, but they are the ones who put themselves there because they thought that they could leverage the friendship into something more.

What they don’t realize is that men and women can’t really be friends — ever. One person always feels more than friendship, and that creates dishonesty in the relationship, and real friendship isn’t about dishonesty. It’s about honesty.

So, get over the idea that you’re friends. You’re not friends. But you’re not dating either. If you want to be dating, then you have to ask her out on a date, and make it clear that it’s a date, in order to extract yourself from the friend zone! 😉

[quote]Should i make a move, or should i continue to keep what we have now, and slowly move from there, and hope for the best like her and her ex boyfriend once did. Does she like me more then a friend, or is she just being friendly?
[/quote]
Yes! You should make a move to invite her out on a date. Call her up and say something like, “Would you like to go out on a date with me? Yes — a real date? I’d like to pick you up at your house on Saturday at 7 and take you to dinner. What do you say?” This way, she knows that this isn’t hanging out as friends. And… you’ll get your second question answered — if she likes you enough to date you, she’ll say yes! If she doesn’t, she’ll say no and you can both move on. 🙂

I hope that helps.

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[boxjocky]

Thanks for the response April,

I completely agree with you, but the main reason why i didn’t ask her out on the get go is because she said she wasn’t looking for a relationship. When me and her hung out for the first time, and she met my parents, and we went to go watch a movie and have dinner, she flat out said “Is this a date”? I said “Huh? Why? I don’t think so”. She said “Oh okay, good, i dont want your parents thinking it’s a date. I’m not ready to date anybody yet since i just broke up with my bf”.

A friend of mine really liked her and they hung out one night and saw a movie. I believe it was there first night hanging out, and at the end of the night, he said “i really like you”, and she said “how, you barely know me, I’m sorry but i don’t like you in that way”. When she told me that my friend asked her out, and he got rejected, i wasn’t really phased by it.

She told me “I don’t understand why guys can’t just be friends and not assume its dating”. Of course, this was 3-4 months ago, so it was when i just started getting to know her. If she didn’t just breakup with her bf when i met her, i would’ve asked her on a date. Her and that guy barely hangout now because she finds it a bit awkward since that incident with them at the movies.

Me and her hang out a lot more, and we always seem to hangout 1 on 1, never in a group. She invited me dancing this week with her friends, so it’s a chance for me to meet her friends. Isn’t the flirting, the signs she’s giving me, a sign of “liking” a little more then a normal friend would?

She knows i love Disneyland, and i have an annual pass, and i want to surprise her and her little brother with 2 annual passes, so me and her can go, and she can take her little bro sometimes. But i don’t know if that might be to much…? Hope to hear back, thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I completely agree with you, but the main reason why i didn’t ask her out on the get go is because she said she wasn’t looking for a relationship.[/quote]

Then why are you with her? 😕

[quote]Should i make a move, or should i continue to keep what we have now, and slowly move from there, and hope for the best like her and her ex boyfriend once did. Does she like me more then a friend, or is she just being friendly?[/quote]

I think that you should make a move to ask her out on a date. This gets you out of the friend zone, and answers the question you’re asking here — “Does she like me as more than a friend?” If you stay in the friend zone, you’ll never get the answer. If you ask her out on a date, you’l get an answer. 😉

I know you’re worried about rejection, but remember that rejection is a gift because if she isn’t interested in you as a date or a boyfriend, then you’ll know if she says no, and you can move on and find someone who truly is interested in you instead of staying stuck in the friend zone. 😳

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[boxjocky]

A couple days ago, she came over to fill out a job application online for the new jobs me and her wanted to apply for. While she was writing her application, i was hovering over her to make sure she was doing it right. She seemed nervous and clumsy. She kept mis-spelling words or messing up. She kept giggling and going “ughhh, im so stupid”! She asked me if i can spell a certain word, and i laughed and said “really”? She said “is this how you spell it”? And she spelled “douche” and laughed at me.

After we finished our applications, we looked at our old yearbook. She showed me her ex bf, then started pointing out guys she use to have a crush on, saying how cute they were, how she had a mad crush on him. Again, i don’t know if she was trying to make me jealous or not.

We went to the job application place to turn them in, but it turns out they were closed, so we decided to go back tomorrow morning. That night, she texted me saying “i can’t go tomorrow something came up”. After that night (5 days), we haven’t texted each other.

Yesterday at work, i saw her and said “hey whatsup”? She looked at me and said “hey”. She seemed upset / pissed off at me. She didn’t talk to me that day, she seemed like she was keeping her distants. I wanted to ask her if she wanted to go bike riding next week and have dinner, but since she was acting all weird, i didn’t.

Today, i see her at work again, and i don’t really know if i should ask her “if everything’s okay”? Or if she’s upset at me for not making a move yet? And I’m not sure if i should ask her if she wants to do something this week.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It doesn’t sound like you have a question for me…. just that you want to fill me in on your day to day. And it doesn’t sound like you’re taking my advice, either. 🙁

I’m not sure how I can help you. 😕

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