[WhyIsHeHurtingMe]

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly  12 years and for about a year our relationship has progressively been falling apart. I just don’t know what to do anymore. So many nights I lay awake crying all alone because he refuses to come to bed and always falls asleep on the couch watching tv.  I have tried to explain to him that it upsets me that he wont come to bed but he makes no effort at all to even try and this has been going on for several months now.  He used to be affectionate and caring but something has changed and it’s tearing me up inside. He acts so differently than the man I fell in love with. He shows no respect for me or my feelings. He gets on Facebook and posts completely inappropriate and disrespectful comments about sex and “bitches” and thinks he is doing nothing wrong. Every time I say something to him about it he completely blows up and says I’m being ridiculous  that’s he’s just “bullshitting” or they are lyrics to a song and it’s not about me or anyone else. I’ve told him how he is making me feel and he doesn’t seem  to care at all since he continues to do it. Every time I get upset about it he always turns around that I’m wrong for getting upset and he never is wrong for what he says or does. Everything is ALWAYS my fault doesn’t matter what it is and if I get mad or upset and confront him a huge fight occurs. I can’t discuss anything with him without it turning into an argument. He does things that affect us both of us but doesn’t feel the need to consult me about anything. 2 months ago he bought a car that we can’t afford and didn’t even tell me until afterwards because he knows I would have told him not to buy it. Meanwhile the down payment was taken out of my checking account using money I needed to pay my college tuition. He never even apologized for taking it without asking which  forced me to have borrow from my father just to be able to take a class I needed over the summer. He does what he wants when he wants and really doesn’t think about how his actions are going to affect me. If I say something to him about what he’s doing he’ll tell me to “shut the hell up” because he doesn’t want to hear it. I am so torn about what to do. On one hand, I love him and really want to be able to fix things between us. I know how great things used to be and am hoping we can get back to the way it was but he is impossible to reason with now. For a 35 year old man, he acts more like a spoiled little kid  who throws tantrums when questioned about anything. He does not know how to have an adult conversation and I’m tired of  hurting every single day because of how he treats me. I know the way he acts toward me isn’t right and I shouldn’t put up with it because I really don’t deserve it. I have made a life with this man and I want more than anything for him to change his  behavior although I don’t know how to go about talking to him seriously without fighting. My heart says to stay with him and try to work things out but my mind tells me to let him go and stop putting all my effort into trying to fix the unfixable. I’m so torn between what I want  and what I need to do because  I’m hoping he will change his ways. 

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to break up and move on. Your boyfriend is no longer someone who is good for you (or for himself), and you need to take responsibility for your part in the relationship. He clearly doesn’t want to be in the relationship, but doesn’t have the tools to end it, so he’s acting out. Before you get hurt further, you need to break up and move out (or have him move out).

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