[a1wilkinson]

I met this girl through my work. I’m 26, she’s 21, she came in to open a bank account, I ended up giving out my mobile number on my business card, something I’ve never had the bottle to do before or really considered, but we got on great in the room, and the next day she text me. Things went from there, texting, and ended up going for a drink a few days later. We have been texting and seeing each other for 6 weeks, during which I found out she only had 1 previous bf, for 2 and a half years, and is her only sexual partner. I, myself, have not had many more, and have said as much to her, although I don’t find talking about sex easy as I can be a shy person. About 4 weeks ago, a couple of nights, we were on the sofa, and from nowhere, 1 thing led to another and ended upstairs 1 of those nights. She text me the following day to say that whilst she didn’t regret it, she isn’t that sort of girl and it wouldn’t happen again until she is ready. I said it was fine and I’m not after that sort of thing only, I really like the girl.
We have been fine since then, getting on well, and seeing each other, kissing, cuddling, sleeping in same bed without the intercourse. This hasn’t bothered me.

Then, last week I had booked a night away, just as a mini break. She suggested it, I thought it was a great idea and followed it all up. A few days before she said she wouldn’t be able to make it, then said we’d have to set off later than normal. We did indeed set off, but she wasn’t well, she suffers with migraines alot. I ended up taking her home, obviously disappointed and my emotions did show. I tried getting in touch with her on the night and the following day but received no answer at all. Wasn’t until 2 days later, the day she was flying on her hol, I got a message after I had asked for an explanation as to why no contact. She said she didn’t receive messages, had been ill and also busy, was about to board her plane, phone battery was going dead and she would message me when she arrived. True to her word, she did message me when she arrived but very late on the night. I was asleep, messaged her the next morning and heard nothing. I messaged her 2 days ago, heard nothing until today.

Today she text saying “whatever has been happening between us is not going much further, sorry I’m putting it on a message but I didn’t see any point in waiting and having you wait for me to come back home. I do appreciate everthing you have done for me your such a nice person but I just don’t want a relationship with you. Your just not the one for me and I didn’t want to be leading you astray………..”

I asked if I had been too much, if there was somebody else etc. Saying how much I loved spending time with her etc. and why she hadn’t been in contact prior.

She replied that she hadn’t been in contact because of expense whilst she’s abroad. Also “I will see you when I get back just at the moment am not ready for sex I don’t know why and I don’t want u waiting around”

I again reiterrated that I’m not just after that, I’m patient, I’ve never pushed for it and never would and hoped she didn’t feel I had. Can we keep things going as they have been?

She replied “I no ya not but am not ready at all. See when I get back then okay”

I said that it doesn’t bother me at all and I don’t want her thinking it does. If that’s the only reason and nothing else, then let’s keep going. I felt I may have pressured her over the mini break and didn’t mean to.

She said it did abit.

Is there any scope in this ?? I don’t want her thinking I just want sex, I’m extremely comfortable as we are, even if it’s only just kissing and cuddling, I’m happy. Is it common for young females to feel like this ?? I don’t really know where to go or what to do. The first text seemed a brush off, then when she said she would see me again but just not ready for sex and doesn’t want me waiting, is this a positive ??

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that you’re looking for excuses to keep this relationship going, but the fact of the matter is that she’s been very clear that she doesn’t want a relationship with you. Not everyone will — and not everyone who wants you will be someone you want to date. My advice is to take her very clear cue that it’s over, and move on. 😉

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