[maia31]

HI,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 and a half years now. We are actually family friends, but haven’t been in touch and haven’t seen each other for a few years, until we found each other on Facebook and started chatting, which totally unexpectedly lead to starting a relationship, since he is 7 years older. Basically he lives in a different country- in my parents’ home city, which I often visit, whereas I was born in a different country and lived here all my life (we’re a 7 hrs car drive apart).
Everything about our relationship is great – our personalities match each other, we have same interests, same views, we like same things – we just functioned really well until now. He was my first boyfriend and I was his first serious girlfriend and it’s been from the start a long distance relationship.
The thing is he is 27 and I’m 20. He finished university and is working and basically has a good career, except he is still living with his parents, who financially depend on him, since they are both jobless.
I, on the other hand, am still stuck on my first year of university, I have simply not taken it all seriously enough, and that has now become a problem for him. My program lasts 6 years, and I’ve basically lost 2 years of my life (should have been 3rd year now). I am currently really angry at myself for doing this to myself and to him, and the thought of breaking up just makes it worse.
He thinks it would be best if we break up, or at least take a break and see if we can live without each other. The problem is obviously the distance, we get to see each other every 1.5 – 2 months, for a week to 2 months – depending on my university and holidays. Second thing is that he just thinks he can’t wait anymore for me to finish university and he says he has no ambitions to move to my country, because he’d have to learn a new language and find a new job and basically risk everything for me, whereas I on the other hand won’t be risking anything. The relationship has already come to a serious point, where it is time to decide about the future, and he thinks we don’t have any definite future, at least not right now. I agree with him, but I know that one of us will have to make a sacrifice at this point and it just seems to be easier for him. I can’t go anywhere else to study, I live with my parents and depend on them financially and in the future I wouldn’t consider moving to my home country (his country), because the standard is lower there and it’s a much smaller city, and there is no prospective there for me.
I think that he is too cowardly to make this huge step and make a risk, because he is the type of person who only does things if they are sure, and I would never ask him to move, if I wasn’t sure, because I wouldn’t want to hurt him and I want to work this out and keep us together.
I thought of an idea, that he might move to a country next to mine, that way he wouldn’t have to learn a new language (same language as in his home country) and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have problems with getting a job. This way we’d be an hour and a half ride apart and he’d be 6 hours ride away from his family, which isn’t bad at all.
He is panicking about the fact that he’s nearing his 30s and that if we continue this relationship this way, it won’t lead anywhere and it will just get harder for both of us.
Please advise me what to do, what options could we take into consideration, we still love each other very much and want to try to make it work out, I am just completely lost right now and can’t think of anything smart. We have talked about this on Skype, but we both agreed that we’ll wait to meet in person to solve this together and find a solution. PLEASE HELP!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Please advise me what to do, what options could we take into consideration, we still love each other very much and want to try to make it work out, I am just completely lost right now and can’t think of anything smart.[/quote]

He’s told you that there is no future together after three years of dating, and he’s given very good reasons for his decision. Being in love isn’t enough to make a relationship work long term, which is why he’s breaking it off with you. I know you say that you both want it to work out, but it really seems that he wants to move on, and you don’t. 😳

My advice is that you focus on your school work and graduating with your degree. Until you do, you’re either going to be dependent on your parents on someone else. That’s not a great situation. Take care of yourself and you’ll end up being a much better partner to someone else.

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

Long distance relationships are definitely not for everyone! 😉

[Member]

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