[JDredd]

So this is a bit of a unique situation. I am 35 years old, don’t really date much. She is a single mother with a 2 year old son. We dated and lived together for 8 months. She felt we were losing passion for each other and suggested moving out. She declared that she fell in love with me but I at the time did not share that same feeling. We break up and a couple weeks later was moved out. The initial hatdest thing was her child. I really bonded with him and would live to be his father. She declared that I am his favorite person. It’s only been 2 1/2 months and she has been dating a new guy for 2 months of it. The kicker is that I watch her son on weekends when she has to work all day at the clinic. I continue to watch him and am delighted that she lets us bond still. But now that this new guy is in the picture does this mean I’m completely out of the picture or what? I have developed very strong feelings for her ever since she left. Initially it didn’t bother me but each passing day it get’s tougher to not think of her. Does she have feelings for me? Should I tell her how I really feel?

Useful info
New boyfriend is 3 years younger than her and in the air force.

She works 10 hour days 2 times a week. Goes to night classes for a dental assistant degree, just started

She moved in right away, not even a week after dating.

I don’t show my emotions very easily

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sure she has feelings for you, but they’re probably not romantic. The two of you dated, broke up, and you moved out. Now, she’s got a new boyfriend and you’re her son’s babysitter. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and win her over and get her back. 😉 Rather than tell her how you feel, show her. Buy her flowers. Invite her to have coffee. If things seem to go well, then ask her on a date. Be careful not to badmouth the current boyfriend — it’s going to look like you’re bitter and it may jeopardize your relationship with her. Instead, bring your A game and promote yourself. And use the knowledge you have from your relationship of 8 months with her — you mentioned she fell out of love before breaking up and moving out. Figure out what your part in that rift was. Did things get boring? Did you take her for granted? Was there something that was missing or that you can bring to the table now, that will show her that her prior concerns are no longer relevant?

Hope that helps!

[Sally]

If she moved on that fast and moved him in that fast, she’s not sitting around wondering if she should come back. That doesn’t mean what you had wasn’t real. It just means she’s already choosing forward, not back.

The time with her son is beautiful, but it’s also keeping you emotionally stuck. You’re playing a role without having a place. And that’s going to keep breaking your heart, slow and quiet.

If you tell her now, while she’s with someone else, it probably won’t change anything. It might just make things messier.
I think the bigger question is how long you can keep showing up without protecting yourself. Loving them doesn’t mean you have to keep hurting. Sometimes stepping back is the only way to breathe again.

[Tara]

You waited too long, and now you’re paying for it.
When she told you she loved you and you didn’t say it back, the relationship ended right there. Not officially, not dramatically, but decisively. She didn’t move out to “find passion.” She moved out because she felt emotionally alone living with you.

Now let’s kill the fantasy you’re clinging to. She does not see you as a romantic option anymore. She sees you as safe, reliable childcare and emotional continuity for her son. That’s it. You are the stable placeholder, not the chosen partner. If she wanted you, she wouldn’t have moved another man into her life within a week. People don’t do that when they’re conflicted — they do it when they’ve already closed the door.

Does she have feelings for you? Not the kind you want. Gratitude isn’t love. Comfort isn’t a desire. Letting you watch her child is not a signal; it’s convenience. And you’re accepting it because it lets you stay adjacent to her life instead of facing the loss head-on.

The new guy moving in immediately tells you everything. She is prioritizing a man who shows up emotionally now, not one who figured it out after she left. His age, job, and speed don’t matter. What matters is that she chose forward momentum without you.

Should you tell her how you feel? If your goal is honesty for your own closure, fine. If your goal is to win her back, don’t embarrass yourself. Confessing feelings after she’s moved on doesn’t make you brave it makes you late.

Staying involved with her son while you’re secretly in love with her is self-inflicted torture. You’re bonding deeper while she builds a future that does not include you. That will end badly, and you will be the one bleeding.

[Member]

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