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Background: my ex has only been in 1 long term relationship in grade 8 & hasn’t been in one since. his friends have told me that he’s always been afraid to commit. We are both now 20.

We started talking 1.5 yrs ago and didn’t expect much, but we fell for each other and b/c he was out of province, we pursued each other LD until he came home. When we got together during christmas, we only fell deeper. We had strong feelings for each other and wanted to wait until he’s home to be official (4 months later-he lives 1hr from me). When he came back, he asked me to meet his friends & family. we continued to date for 2 months & I was curious why we weren’t official,although we were exclusive.I asked and he said he’s confused,that he likes me but doesn’t know why he’s not ready to take the next step. We “broke up”, he cried & said that’s not what he wants, we got back together. He was still confused, said that some days he’s sure of us but some days he questions whether he’s truly ready and he’s not sure why he questions.

Fast forward 2 months, he broke up with me and said he lost feelings. He tried to initiate contact 2 days later and I brushed it off and we don’t talk for two months. He recently started talking to me again, some weeks he’ll continually try to talk & other weeks I won’t hear from him. He drunk texts me to talk, but doesn’t flirt b/c he says he’s afraid I won’t like/appreciate it. As of now, I haven’t heard from him in over a week.

Was it a commitment issue? I keep thinking he was afraid to give up “being a boy/partying”. And is there a chance for reconciliation?
Also, for people that have lost feelings, I know it’s possible to think you lost feelings and then realize later that you never did, but what about those that truly lost feelings/lost interest, what are the chance that they gain those feelings back?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Was it a commitment issue? I keep thinking he was afraid to give up “being a boy/partying”. [/quote]

I think it was a commitment issue as well as an age and inexperience issue. He probably didn’t want to give up opportunities to play the field, but didn’t want to lose you either.

[quote]And is there a chance for reconciliation? [/quote]

Yes. But you have to be understanding of the above — that he doesn’t have a lot of dating experience and he’s only 20 years old, which means he may want to play the field as well as date you, too. When there are incompatibility issues, for instance one person wants a commitment and one wants to play the field, it won’t work. So there is a chance for reconciliation, but that depends on which one of you bends on what you want, and when. 😉

[quote]Also, for people that have lost feelings, I know it’s possible to think you lost feelings and then realize later that you never did, but what about those that truly lost feelings/lost interest, what are the chance that they gain those feelings back?[/quote]

The question you’re asking is very specific to different couples. The truth is that in marriages — even long term marriages — where couples love each other, they may lose interest because of familiarity. Attraction has to do with mystique and when you’re in a long term relationship, keeping that mystique going, is work! 😉 There is a lot written about couples who have to work at their relationships, and this often has to do with their keeping the mystique going. If you want to speed up the process, consider making yourself more attractive to him. When you think about what first attracted him to you, it was probably because you were interesting, had a lot going on, were doing new things — and my advice is to become that person again, but even better! Look great, date other guys, so he knows you’re attractive to others, have a great life with success and fun. All the while, continue to flirt with him, and I bet he’ll come around and realize that he wants a reconciliation. 😉

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