[confused mommy]

Hey April,

So here’s a good one for you….
I have been with my Boyfriend (which he has told everyone that we are married so we call each other husband and wife) for two years… We clearly rushed into everything. He moved in within a month of being together, and i became pregnant after 3 mo (i know “slap on the wrist”). Everything seemed fine and we here friends beforehand so everything seemed like it was “supposed” to happen this way.

Not long after my son was born, his old habits remained and i was the only one changing for our son. He still smoked pot in the house, he never ever ever helped out and everytime i brought it up to him, i was told i was over-reacting. Him and my mother hated each other and fought all the time and put me in-between it all to the point that i stopped all comunication with my mother (granted she is bi-polar). I lied to everyone and told them that he was amazing and helped so much, and everything was sooooo great. But i began to crumble on the inside.

I would bring up his lack of parenting/housekeeping/and inappropriate behaviour up and he would change for a day or two, but then everything would go back to “normal”. I had enough about a month/and half ago and put my foot down entirely. I opened my eyes and realized i no longer have any support system other than him and his mother, and that i was so completely unhappy being with him that i wanted out. He and his mother came to this wild conclusion that im just depressed and need to be put on meds.

I didn’t accept that excuse, i know i let him slack hardcore, but he also never grew up or “manned” up and became a father/”husband type”. He now understands my point and is really trying to man up, but i feel like it is just too late. He says he is trying, but it is in all the wrong ways to me. He Proposed, and keeps buying things and smothering me no matter how many times i say i just need space he wont let me breath. I don’t think i have feeling for him anymore (besides him being the father of our child) but he wants to make it work…. i dont know what to do… im so lost and a huge part of me just wants to start over entirely, just my son and i. 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve made some big mistakes, and there are consequences as a result. So, now, you have to do the best you can with what you have, given those mistakes.

Your boyfriend, with whom you were friends before dating, is clearly not going to change because you tell him to. He’ll change if and when he wants to. But in the meantime, you have a son and you have to get your own life together.

You said that he and his mother are your only support. 😕 But the truth is that he’s not much support, and from what you’ve written, neither is his mother. What you’re failing to see is that you can and need to support yourself.

My advice is that you separate from your boyfriend and live as a single mother. He needs to pay child support and have generous visitation with his son so that you have time to get a job (if you don’t already), and adjust to single parenting. When you’re on your own, completely, you’ll have a better idea of whether you want to move on and date other men or to allow him to win you over. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts