[Belle27]

Hi April,

My exboyfriend and I broke up in August. We’ve recently started hanging out again, and we’ve been having a great time! Last week we spent a great weekend together where we did a lot of laughing, were affectionate and he shared things with me that he had “never shared with anyone else before.” I thought we were making great progress and on our way to a reconciliation. But all of a sudden he’s pulled away saying he’s confused about us spending the weekends together and doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. Yet, he gets very jealous at the thought of me dating other guys, he makes jokes about us having kids together, and is very affectionate and caring when we are together. I just don’t understand why he’s pulling a 180 right now. I know he’s not dating anyone else. He said still wants to hang out, and although he doesn’t want to commit to me right now, he says it could happen again in the future.

All signs point to yes, then all of a sudden he points to no. What caused the change in him? What do I do?

Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your ex-boyfriend is having trouble being broken up from you. He’s really confused, and he’s trying to process what it feels like to be with you versus what it feels like to not be with you. This is his internal process, so it’s not anything you did or didn’t do, and it’s not anything you can change. This is his situation to deal with.

That said, you get to choose whether or not you want to be part of a relationship with him — whether it’s friends or lovers — considering he’s currently all over the map, emotionally. If you’re looking for a reunion — or a quick reunion — you’re no doubt going to be frustrated. And you are! So if you can readjust your expectations and enjoy being with him without looking forward to being together as boyfriend or girlfriend again, or being okay if you don’t end up being boyfriend and girlfriend again, you’re going to alleviate that frustration you’re feeling now.

If you can’t change your expectations and when you’re with him all you want is to be boyfriend and girlfriend again, you may want to reconsider spending so much time with him until he straightens out his feelings and is clear on what he wants from you.

[Hazley Joy]

I think he’s confused about his true feelings whether he wants a commitment with you or just dating and hanging-out. For now, focus on your own way of happiness and don’t depend on him. If you really love him, wait for him when he will be willing to be your boyfriend again.

[Member]

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