[LadyLAV]

Hi! I’m new here, and my topic isn’t a serious one, but would really REALLY like advice anyway, as I have no one else to talk to about it. thank you..

BACKGROUND: I’ve been with my fiance for 6 yrs now. When I met him, he was wild and romantic. We went to raves every week, he had a new hair color every month, he was fun and funny, sex was great and very frequent. He is eight years older than I am. I am 24, he is 32. I met him when I was 18, (he was 26). When he first nailed a great job right out of grad school, I was happy for him, but noticed a slight change in his behaviour. He started to become more of a homebody. But I know the stresses of the job, so I wasn’t at all bothered by it. I too work a high stress job, but understand how he might be effected more than I can be.

MY PROBLEM: Fast Forward- today, 1.) He never has the energy to go out and when we do, he barely even talks to his own friends! 2.) Addiction to technology, if his face isn’t glued to a TV screen, then he’s staring at his phone/computer/iPAD… and it’s always for the purpose of research and news and video games, (not porn or anything like that). 3.)All he ever wants to do is play video games. I LOVE video games, but not this much! 4.)Sex, (if I’m lucky enough to get any within a month), is short and mediocre at best. When I put something sexy on, or try different techniques, it doesn’t seem to phase him in the least bit.

WHAT I’VE TRIED: I’ve been open with him. I’ve talked to him about each and every one of these things,(not attacking, but calmly communicating) and it always goes the same way; He fights back, we get into a whole argument, then end up apologizing to one another, vowing to be better, only to find nothing has changed. He insists that he has always been this person, when even his own good friends talk to me about how different he is. I write today because I actually woke up crying about this whole situation. I know he still loves me and that he still thinks I’m attractive because he DOES go out of his way to be with me and he always talks about me to coworkers and aquaintances. But our relationship feels more brother-sister rather than romantic. I’m not sure if I am in love w him anymore. All I know is that I am really missing that man I met six years ago. I’m worried, because I’m actually entertaining the thought of trying to find someone who is just like the ‘old’ him. Please help. 😥

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Before you walk, try something different. It’s never a great idea to have “the talk” about the relationship with a guy. Guys don’t do “the talk” the way women do. They see problems and feel that they have to fix them, but he can’t fix this one just like that, so all of these talks you’re having with him about the problem are probably making him feel worse about himself, the relationship and you. 😳

So, instead of focusing on what’s wrong….I suggest you try some of the dates from two books I wrote called Ideas For A Fun Date, that you can get here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/ideas-for-a-fun-date.html[/url], and Romantic Date Ideas that you can get here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url]. Read these books — or skim through them and pick and try the dates I’ve recommended. You can plan a date with him (just have him meet you at a time and a place) — or spring one of them on him because all he has to do is show up at home and you’ll be ready.

He needs to get out of his rut and have some FUN! But you need to be the one to make the fun this time. Believe me — if things work out there will be a time in the relationship when you’ll need the jogging out of a rut, but for now, it’s him who needs you to be the “party coordinator”! 😉

Let me know if this helps and how things go.

And I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[LadyLAV]

Thanks so much April. I guess the only thing holding me back from being the “coordinator” was the discouragement of knowing that I’m only 24 (and we’re not even married yet!)… I didn’t want to think that ALREADY I’d be starting this kind of effort. But this is my best friend, not just some guy, and so I happily take your advice! You’re so right, the more talk I do brings him down a little, and I did not want to do that. I brought him out to a new restaurant yesterday and we sat and just chatted for a good 2 hours. I could tell he was feeling a lot better. We laughed a lot, and in the end as we were walking back to our building, he wanted to walk back the long way. Judging by this result, you’re advice is definitely leading us down the right track. Now to gradually step it up a notch, slowly but surely. Thank you 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m so glad I could help! 😀 You’re welcome.

I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter, and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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