[Sunshine77]

We have known each online for a 4 years but mostly just as friends, but the last maybe 2 months things changed and he seemed to want to chat more/spend more time with me. He’s always helpful, even a bit over-protective and a little bossy lol but the thing is, in spite of all the signs that he does like me, him not asking to meet me, or call me, left me puzzled.

Why is that he is making the effort to have a stronger bond emotionally yet not saying anything concrete?

I don’t believe in asking men out, so I never said anything. However, I’ve been warm, appreciative and inviting so he’d feel safe enough to make a move.

That said, in spite of numerous emails, sending me cute pictures and being there for me, the last week now he seems distant. I feel somewhat hurt by that. I don’t understand it. I would not reel someone in that I have known that long for nothing.

So the other day, I posted about another guy being interested in me. I know he read it, but he didn’t say a thing. Mind you, I did say the other guy liked me but that I didn’t feel the same because ”there are other guys I might like more.”

Anyway, what’s up with all of this? Lurking yet not posting, like keeping an eye on what I do. If I message him, I know he will respond… but I also don’t want to chase him because then I don’t have reassurance of how he feels. What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re reading too much into this. I’m not sure how old you are or how much dating experience you have, but basically, if a guy wants to date you, he’ll ask you out. If he doesn’t, he won’t. It’s that simple. I agree with you that you shouldn’t chase guys and ask them out, so just be your pleasant, flirtatious self, and let anyone you’re interested in dating know that you’re interested by flirting with them, and if they invite you out on a date, and you want to go, great! Playing the field is also a great way to increase your yield — in other words, the more guys you smile at and flirt with, or even meet, the more opportunities you have to meet the right guy for you. 🙂

I hope that helps!

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[Sunshine77]

Thanks, April. It does help. I have been married and divorced, then in a long relationship with a childhood friend. So I don’t date around a lot and basically just tend to go for relationships that can last, or at least I think so at the time lol

Anyway, I have been ”married” to my work mostly these days, but the other guys who did pursue me were so trying to rush me into sex, well that’s just not for me. At least with this guy, there is the foundation of friendship and some trust. I really enjoy how smart he is and how he always wants to be there for me. He’s more traditional than lots of other guys barking up my tree.

That said, you are right. If a guy wants to ask you out, he will ask you out.

[FREEDOM_55]

Hi April

[color=#FF0000]I don’t mean to hijack this thread. I cannot find where I can post a new thread or talk to you in person. And this topic seemed the most relevant to my problem, So I figured I would post here.[/color]

[b][u]The Dilemma :[/u][/b]

I’m 21 and the boy is 23
In Recent weeks, an old friend and I have been catching up and talking very frequently. Initially I didn’t feel attracted to him but we have good conversation. Previously He made plans to meet me for lunch but he was late, so left and told him his disrespect was unacceptable. He profusely apologized and began calling me all the time.I began to ignore him less and less. We would speak everyday.It was clear he liked me and we would flirt. He would say how attractive I am, call me everyday whether I picked up or not, when did speak we would talk for hours,he would take offence when I we say I didn’t like guys that were so how characteristically similar to him, he would indirectly ask me out and I would decline , etc. Admit-tingly,Iliked the attention.

Yesterday I jumped the gun. After he said he wasn’t trying to date me in casual passing, unknown to him I took offence. A little while after that conversation, I called him back to cancel our prior plans of meeting up that week very dryly. He thought something was wrong but I insisted it was nothing.

The next day, he called me and I told him that we shouldn’t continue speak and we should cut off further communication completely. He asked why and I replied , “school”. But it’s clear he didn’t believe me. I told him bye in a chirpy calm manner and he agreed, although with long silent pauses. I guess I wasn’t satisfied with the response or felt bad, so I texted him afterwards and told him the reason why I didn’t want to continue talking to him was because I felt like I was leading him on and since [i]we[/i] both intend to date each other, making plans and discussing certain things seems like a waste of time and feels wrong.He texted me back this long text about how he knew that what was bothering me and he ‘s doesn’t want to waste my time, and I should be more upfront with things bothering me because he has more intuition than i think.And he said he meant he didn’t want to date [i] now[/i], not that it’s going to be forever and he told me before.

I felt embarrassed. I called him back and told him that he was misinterpreting my text and trying to read between the lines. And that I never wanted to date him nor was I angry. He said he’s confused, I tried to explain but He brushed away my explanation, and asks if I’m still not talking to him. And I said yes very cheerfully. there was a very long pause and then he hung up.

After I came off the phone, I didn’t feel satisfied or justified. I just kept wanting to talk to him again. I even deleted his number from phone but it’s didn’t help. I kept thinking about him and having this constant weird pitting feeling in my stomach the whole day.

[u][b]Questions[/b][/u]
I would ask you on how do I approach speaking to him again. But i feel so embarrassed like I overreacted and was better off ignoring him without confessing how felt with a text. How would I even approach him again? Up until now I had the power in our relationship, and now I lost it. Should I commit to not speaking to him again, will this feeling go away? Does this mean I have feelings for him? Or do I just miss the attention I get from his conversation? I never intended to date him or take seriously, so why did I get so upset? Was it just a bruise to my ego or was it more than that? I have never felt this way before, so I seriously have no idea. What should I do?

[FREEDOM_55]

Hi April Again
I made a few typos that change the context of my post.

*I texted him “we both DO NOT want to date ” so lets go our separate ways, instead of wasting time.
*Instead of the word “cheeringly”, ” I meant “calmly”
*I called him after his text and clarified to him that I was no angry nor do I want to date him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please start a new topic for your request for advice. 😉 On the home page of the Advice Forum, on the far left, there is a “New Topic” button you can hit and start a new thread. I’ll look for your new topic, and answer you there! 😀

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[Sunshine77]

Fast update here, well here and there me and this friend did chat some more but again, nothing new. However, I got to thinking. A man who wants to be a close friend, likes to talk, knows more about kitchen appliances than I do, and never makes a move – hmmmm. A girl wonders if he’s into girls at all, LOL.

So the other guy who openly chases me, says he can’t wait to see me, and flirts like crazy, that’s on!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks for filling me. You’re a quick learner! 🙂 If a guy’s interested and wants to date you — he will! It’s that simple — and you’re getting it. 😉

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[Sunshine77]

Thank, April 🙂 I think that my friend is honestly a good person and a real sweetheart, but whatever his reasons may be, I can’t sit and wait forever. Plus it doesn’t hurt none that the other guy is so handsome LOL

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[Member]

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