[queensbean]

Right now I dont what to think about the guy I am having a so called relationship with. First off understand I am dealing with an ADD adult male. Which means he has NO FILTERS. ITs challenging at the best of times.
What I am going through right now is that I ran into a financial problem. I was living in loft in a friends home for cheap. But i lost half my income. Which believe me wasnt much to begin with. Anyways. My guy is like why not live with me in my camper. Will live at my work and you can save money, and I will support you. He’s a license trailer mechanic. So he makes pretty good money. and he’s lets say …thrifty lol. Says he wants to see me succeed in life. i”m going to school in july to get my trade. the money i do get in goes straight to getting my drivers license back. Which I need for my trade. So whats the problem you ask? Well everything is all and good for about two weeks. Now he leaves me there for 3 nights a week by myself. Which I hate and he knows it. Tells me he cares about me deeply. Loves me but is NOT in love with me. Is back to being friends with his ex. Now what i am confused about Why is he doing this??? what payback does he get from this??? I feel trapped but he’s taking care of my needs..well obviously not all of them or I wouldnt be here. I just dont get if doesnt want a commitment with me. Why do this?? why ask me to come there and then act like he needs to be alone. And Oh by the way I am not to question our so called relationship or i am being needy. He believes that because all my physical needs are being met that I should be happy. when he asks what i want from him. I tell him….he denies it. Says he sees me all the time at work…so he needs time away from me. oi vey. this is annoying. YOu should know we have been together for about 5 1/2 yrs and we are both 40 yrs. And this friendship he has with his ex is on and off. I know they are not sleeping together. As i said above he has no filters and tells me when he has. and he hasnt for over a year.He’s not interested in her like that. but he gets baths there and an address etc. plus to chill away from me and where he works
So what do you people out there looking in think???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Before you can be in a relationship that works, you have to be ready. It sounds like you have some personal problems you have to deal with first, before you can be in a relationship. Because you’re not dealing with them first, you’re having relationship problems.

I know you want to go to school, but you can’t have everything at once. Your first priority needs to be a job that supports you. After you have a job that allows you to pay rent in your own place or in a place where you have a female roommate, THEN you can begin to go back o school, but for now, first things first. Job, your own place or a place with a female roommate, and then college and/or a relationship — but in that order!

The complication here is that If after five years of dating your boyfriend, he hasn’t proposed marriage, and is chummy with his ex-wife, it sounds like he’s not ready for marriage and may not be for quite some time — or ever. Here you are living with him, and you’re complaining about his ADD (that’s not going to get better) and his friendship with his ex. You can do better — but you have to get your own act together before you can. At your age, it’s time to move on and find someone who’s ready for a serious commitment, but the truth is, you can’t move on until you get your own life together.

I hope that helps! Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[queensbean]

Hi April
What you have said is quite true. his ex is not an ex wife but an ex gf. he’s never been married and never will be. Not an issue for me if I get married or not as my parents are not married but have been together 26 yrs now. My biological dad died when i was 2. Anyways…..I was trying to figure out if he doesnt want a committed relationship with me. Why ask me to move in? But that doesnt really matter anymore. AS i know what i have to do and what you posted is EXACTLY that. 🙂 I’m 40 yrs old and homeless living in a freaking camper. I just realized today that he’s my Jailer and i’m the prisoner. And I did it to myself. Mind you he’s good…a good BS’r and charmer. I see him for who he is. He may not hit me but he’s abusive. I need to run far from him and quickly as possible. He’s not here so i can start now on my journey that will be own…thanks though for the advice. You sealed it for me 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He asked you to move in because he could have you and also have some freedom. It worked for him. You mistook his gesture for a commitment he wasn’t making. I hope this isn’t too harsh, but I’m going to say it in the hopes you’ll hear it in the spirit it’s intended: He’s not your jailer — you are. You’re putting yourself in situations that are unpleasant at best and miserable at worst. There’re no shackles; there’re no bars; there’s no key and no lock. You can walk out at any moment — and I suggest you do. If you don’t have family or friends to live with, find a woman’s shelter and get help getting a job. One day at a time, but keep your eye on the ball and focus every day.

Good luck!

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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