[Djpnz]

I left my wife 2 yrs ago to be with a girl i have strong feelings for, we did everything together for 2 years but she did not want to class ourselves as being in a relationship, she says because she just wasn’t ready i think it was more because she did not want to be labelled a home wrecker, either way we did sleep together, saw each other every night but recently shes said we should take a break, i thought ok thats fine we both do need to work ourselves out first. Its all going fine shes happy but shes i think more heading in the direction of just wanting to be friends which is fine for her but im not interested in being friends the type of friend to her is very involved, including constant communication, she comes to me with all her problems im basically on call to her 24/7 at her convenience, again thats fine with me if the plan is to ultimately end up together but as a friend i cant keep it up. My feelings for her continue to grow and i think shes happy with me being this way to her while i get nothing back and while she has the freedom to do and pursue whatever she wants. If i was to treat her as just a friend communication would be minimal and really only to see if she wanted to catch up. My problem is how long do i need to continue this i feel like im being used right now or am i just being impatient? My hearts telling me carry on but my heads telling me stop. I feel i need to get over her first and i cant do that until we break contact, im so confused please help me.
Thanks
David

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think she has the same relationship goals for this relationship that you do. That’s why I think you need to move on and find someone who wants what you want — which sounds like either marriage or at the very least, a committed, monogamous, long-term relationship. She doesn’t want that with you. Obviously, friend zoning yourself is a bad idea. You’re never going to be okay hearing about her dating other guys. So a clean break is best.

For future, understand that if you leave your wife for a woman — who doesn’t want to commit to a relationship with you after this grand gesture, she probably never will. 😕 She may have gotten some pleasure out of your being unavailable and once you became available, you lost your attraction in her eyes. I could be wrong here, but it really sounds like she’s got a different goal in mind for herself than what you’ve got for yourself.

It will hurt to break up, but you’ll be much better off with someone who has similar goals. 😉

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